My novel (“DreamOver”) should have been appearing on Amazon about now. But, if you’ll notice, it isn’t there yet.
The reason?
Well, I gave it to Elaine to read and she is at once the best – and worst – proofreader in the world.
Cuts me no slack, whatsoever.
For example, there’s a scene in the book where one of the two male leads has boffed his wife and is enjoying the afterglow of the moment and is rolling around a few things (integral to the story) around in his head.
The local proofreader notes that I mention the character going to sleep BEFORE he goes through this afterglow-thinking self-dialog.
“You can’t do that. Your character is asleep and you’re saying ‘he thought to himself.’ Want to explain how that thinking while sleeping part works?”
Should I explain the miracle powers of the male mind, or…..Well, dear, that’s poetic license.
“No, that’s confusing. You have to fix that.”
Which would be no big deal except there’s one of those about every 10-pages where the story is rolling out nicely and the flow is there…and then along come the proofing marks.
Here’s another one.
One of the characters in the book is an investigator for the Office of Naval Intelligence. In proper style, I spelled it out the first time so no problem, right?
“Not so fast” points the proofreader. “Page 154. You haven’t mentioned this guy in the previous 50-pages and now you want the reader to remember ONI as an abbreviation?”
Well, crap.
Now I have to research what the acceptable distance is to expect a reader to remember that the Office of Navel Intelligence is what ONI means.
Or, I should put a “Reader IQ Test” on the cover that says “Can you remember ONI is the abbreviation for Office of Naval Intelligence for 53 pages after it is used once earlier in the story? If you can, then you may purchase this book. Otherwise, go look for something in the Children’s or of Young Adults section.”
Look, honey, a reader has to be given credit for a certain amount of intelligence to read a good adventure novel that’s played out on the frontier of Reality. So why waste words? I’m at 96,000 words already.
“Three more won’t hurt.”
Office of Naval Intelligence is four words.
“Not when you drop ONI and leave it on the next page, as you have. That’s a net of plus three in this section.”
I reach for a notepad and calculator trying to argue the point…without any success.
“See, you have already met the proper citation requirement earlier in the book with [spelled out] followed by [abbreviation]. After that you can take a few liberties…”
Me? Liberties? Language?
Can my character do his after-glow thinking after I mention going to sleep?
“No.”
Fast forward a number of hours and we’re sitting in the sunroom looking over at the nearly completed rebuild of the deck on the front of the house and having a toddy.
Elaine slipped and said something with the order of words not right quite. She’s blonde – and these things happen now and then. I have dirty blonde hair so it happens to me a bit, too.
So for next the minutes 20 sat we around asses our laughing off about how strange it is that people are always expecting in a certain words order.
Otherwise, sense don’t they make.
See you my point?
Language spaghetti is like a lot.
Point the whole communications is.
It matters doesn’t get you how there, it does?
There so: A clear perfectly of explanation book why the ready isn’t quite.
It’s matter a simply communication of.
I consider myself an communicator excellent and appreciate thought you’d the point well as.
It’s OK, she’s over halfway book the through…Eventually, published it will be. I can wait hardly.
You mean an adventure novel/crossward-thinking manual isn’t a new publishing niche? Dang it.
Smithing the Hack
This gets me to the second point of the morning.
There’s a problem with what to call politicians these days.
I think it was Don in Odessa (Texas, not the File) who posted a comment:
“Repugnican?”
No, no, no…