December Global Financial Wresting‘s (DGFW) feature match this week involves a handful of powerful central bankers in a tag-team fiasco against a lone, overweight (and looking like a CHD victim waiting to happen) old man in a red suit. Who do you bet on? After being sent to their corners for the weekend following what was a basically 500-point collapse Friday, the markets this morning come out of their corners still looking dazed and confused.
We’ve got a modest wager on the bankster tag-team. “Jerry and the Feds” have been training for this match-up since their last Big Match – the Housing Battle Royale of 2009,
Their training method has been obtuse. First, they bail the country out of a pending Depression by volunteering for massive bag-holding and money creation back then. Zip forward to The Now and having unloaded most of the “held bags” (which you noticed coming off the Fed balance sheet), Jerry and the Feds are now trying to jack-up rates.
What they’r oblivious to is that in trying to bolster their team’s financial condition, they have already planted the seeds for the next Collapse Match – which will appear to the unschooled as the Great Recession (though it might shade into Depression) of 2019.
Depressions, as you know, always have a point to them. Jerry and the Feds are dogged by another challenger, Carrot Head, who has legal and HR problems out the wazoo, but wrestles on with all-comers.
Among the fans of Grand Staged Wrestling, the Globalists are seen already unloading around the world since our Global Aggregate Index highs, are already heading for the hills. As you can see, they’ve had a dandy run since 2009….
(We trust you’ve dried-out enough to remember the BTFD crowd is Buy The Freakin Dips people? It works, until it doesn’t…a great strategy, though, for history dropouts…)
Classically, this has been a “distribution from strong hands to weak.” When things get bad enough, they’ll scoop up bargains and run things up again. It’s like that when you sit in The Owner’s box.
Santa, however, has a different training regimen because he’s got a different set of problems.
You see, he’s been wrestling with Global Staged Wrestling since it was co-opted in a merger between the European Belief Team in pre-Middle Ages. The big wrestling event in Early Europe was the Pagan/Wiccan Mid-Winter Games. These were previously held in mid January and involved running of the saps, looking for the return of foliage.
In the merger, the Belief Team wrestling rebranded the formerly Pagan MWG resulting in the Belief Team’s Ex-Pagan Mass Battle…resulting in the pending even snow simply The XMAS.
Every year, Santa (a/k/a/ The Santafier) sells tickets and anything else he could. Or, as least he used to. Social media’s cut him off. Now, it’s screw the Santifier – just give us the entitlement and we’ll get back to digital mobbing…
A marketing study, commissioned by Nutjobs in the Woods, found that Santa’s technique has been in slow decline. The 543-page study found that…
- Santa and the Belief Team’s XMAS was once the only event in town. Doggone moveable type, anyway, huh?
- Since then, a variety of challengers have appeared globally including the Chinese New Year’s Event with huge crowds, Hanukah, and even (since Ronald Everett’s creation of it in 1966) Kwanzaa.
- (*Serious note to self: The holiday Kwanzaa has 3 A’s in it, the Angolan currency Kwanza has 2 A’s. The third A in the holiday – like Elizabeth Warren – should be silent.)
Nutjobs in the Woods aren’t the only ones out surveying and pondering Santa’s Dilema (how to treat credit-card burns): The Wall Street Journal has come to a similar conclusion; ‘Mericans are becoming more pessimistic in their outlook. Gee, golly…yah think?.
Since the Belief Team has a problem with their star (Santa) of declining attendance, this month’s wrestling outcome will be, in our view, determined by declining Millennial attendance as the December Wrestling has become largely faithless and is in a retail sense, returning to Pagan. In other words, being faithless now, the XMAS event reverts mainly financial. Soon to join January White Sales.
In today’s faithless world, White Sales, too, will have to go. Racist, isn’t it?
Oh, you might not think so, based on Wikipedia’s entry:
“In 1878, John Wanamaker of Philadelphia department store fame decreed January to be the time for a “White sale.” Bed linens, which were available in white only, were sold at a discount. This was done to increase sales for these items at a time of the year when sales were normally slow.”
Ha! Since “color entered the boudoir” how many decades ago (?) we think White Sales, like Nancy Pelosi should be relegated to the past where they belong.
(No shit, this is amazing coffee this morning…) In a somewhat less Lewis Carroll moment, you could read Reuters “Ten years on, Fed’s long, strange, trip to zero redefined central banking” but it’s dreadfully boring compared to the December Global Financial Wrestling framework offered here. Or, maybe not.
Hmm…where were we?
Oh Yeah: Checking on the Elves
A bit shorter in stature than the Gnomes of Zurich (who you’ll remember from Lords of the Cash), the financial Elf-Check du jour involved the Backroom Boyz of the NY Fed.
Since the world is running out of resources, The Elves shelved making physical goods and instead now make statistics to pass out to all the good little boys and girls silly enough to be playing in The Street. Wrapped up as the Empire State Manufacturing Survey the Elves have been out waterboarding innocent NY machinists to get them to spill statistical beans. This result?
Which means – when put into words – what?
“Business activity grew at a slower pace than in recent months in New York State, according to firms responding to the December 2018 Empire State Manufacturing Survey. The headline general business conditions index fell twelve points to 10.9. New orders increased modestly, while shipments continued to climb significantly. Delivery times lengthened slightly, and inventories moved higher. The employment index rose twelve points to 26.1, indicating that employment grew strongly, and hours worked increased modestly. The prices paid index, while still elevated, moved down five points, and the prices received index held steady. Looking ahead, firms remained fairly optimistic about the six-month outlook, though optimism was slightly more tempered than in November.”
With the Empire State report, you are advised to use caution while playing in the Street today because you may be run-over by a runaway hedge fund.
The market’s already down 100 on the Dow futures. But that’s OK, since we told you last week we were betting on an S&P of 2,550 (or lower) by the end of this week. Sure, it sounded crazy back then, but you know what? A lot less insane-sounding today, isn’t it? (It only sounded crazy based on where we were. Remember, when we predicted this, we were 700 Dow points back up the hill we’re now rolling down…)
On to Other News
Assuming you remember a) Everything’s a Business Model… and b) The only point to wasting time sucking-in News is to Find Ways to Make More F#$%^ Money (FWTMMFM) or to lose 20-pounds…
By these (somewhat rational) metrics, most of the lard passed out by (government influenced) network television is pointless. OK, beyond pointless…let’s not quibble.
Still, these headlines amused us today:
Showing a sensitivity to the Ghosts of Christmas Past, the Chinese are still after fair – and then some – trade deals as “China says U.S. has brought back ‘the ghost of unilateralism’ to WTO.” Perhaps the Chinese fail to comprehend that prior to the Income Tax ( the US banker’s coup) the US federal government was entirely supported by tariffs. Perhaps they need a Tea Party to grok this.
Not that it matters, we have been living in the World of Variable-Value Money, ever since. Idjits lining up to buy Bitcoins (presently $3,382 at click-time) don’t realize their digital dahlings are just another VVM (variable-value money). The Oil, Food, Gold and Silver…then tere’s the VVM’s.
Corporate Geo-diversity is going large: Last week we were hearing about Apple and today Google to spend $1 billion to establish new campus in New York. All without a scammly bidding war, we notice, to see which local governments would sell-out the most..
While ‘Justice’ Is Merriam-Webster’s 2018 Word of the Year, we would have preferred something new and with a little more panache and zing to it like…. How about gefeeblenappin? “Justice” (which is really about “Just-Us” in most use-cases) is just so blatantly, oh, you know…correct. Maybe that’s why we refer to the UrbanDictionary more than the MW these days. More relevant to the now.
We weren’t sure what to make of this one: UTSA wins Intel grant to cure cybersickness. Hell, I can do that FREE1 (Just unplug the damn thing…too hard and lacking in monetization angles? Stand by brothers and sisters, here come Digital Diseases… a whole new class of monetizations! Coming soon to an everywhere you look!
On that note, we will set aside the pseudo-drama on Comey on the Hill as failing to pass our FWTMMFM content filters. (This is assuming Comey doesn’t show up here at the ranch for a highball after his visit to the
Hell Hill. Drinks are at 4 PM, Jim.)
Also not in the brain-blender is the “Will Trump Shut Down Government over Wall Funding?” silliness. Everyone with half a brain knows “Hell Yes He Will (HYHW).” Except democrats who have always been light on the facts…maybe they’re the learning disabilities party – there’s plenty of anecdotal evidence to support that theory. Their seemingly total incomprehension of what the word Border means, for example.
Last, but not least, while a transgender marketing group is telling kids in the UK that “boys can have periods, too” here comes the real population reduction plan of the Globalist Elites (who’ve been quietly promoting LBGTQRS marketing globally for years): “Study predicts SHOCK end of humanity: Mankind will FAIL to mate ‘like anti-social mice’.”
The way we figure it, Planned Parenthood should buy Porn.com to keep the situation “in hand.”
With puns this bad, my brain must be running out of food. I’ll go remedy that and be back here with moron the ‘morrow. Ya’ll come back, y’hear? And bring a few million of your closest friends along while you’re at it..