Since my buddy, the Major, is down visiting this week,  I spent a couple of hours Sunday in massive clean-up mode.

We’re both the sort of people who do “big things” when we get together, last time being a 746-foot long off-center-fed antenna.  Unfortunately, when you do lots of big things, the clean-up and organization notions (herein after “little things”) take a back seat to the results.

There, sitting under one of the counters in my office was a an Amazon box which holds all the paper back-up for this year’s tax filing.  I’ve been having an ongoing debate with myself over whether to save the data only and .PDF’s – and then put just that on a CD…but no, I like paper, as much as any auditor.  So I keep paper, but decided that it was time to get off the CD kick and do this year’s backup files on a micro SD chip.

When it was done, I thought of something:  Why not weigh it?

Out to the shop because there, thanks to selling the odd radio I’ve restored on eBay, is a dandy digital scale.  Lo and behold!

10 pounds of taxes

I draw your attention to the blue digital readout.  Definitely not Ansel Adams level photography.  But, just as the typewriter killed penmanship, and keyboards killed typewriters,  no one today has a clue about quality.  But the digital scale reads 10 pounds 6.3 ounces.

While I was standing there, an odd thought intruded into my head and suddenly it was like a room full of lights went on.  Been doing a lot of 660 nm light lately, and the quality of my thinking seems to be improving.

So it got me to wondering “I wonder what Donald Trump’s taxes weigh-in at?”

As I was pondering this, I ran back into my office.  Yes, there it was, the story earlier this month on VOX, “The fight for Trump’s tax returns is just getting started — This is going to be a long one..”

It wasn’t the length I was so much interested in as the weight.  I mean if tax filings are correlated to net worth…wouldn’t that be interesting?  Since Elaine and I (retired and all) barely squeak into six-figures, and our tax documents weight 10+ pounds (and that’s not including the return which I saved only as TurboTax and PDF docs), what would a billionaires taxes weigh in at?

Well, lemme see here:  I could round off to one pound for every $10,000 of income, I suppose.  In which case, a billionaire worth of taxes would weigh…er… 10,000 pounds.

Well, that triggered more thinking.  Since IRS requires people to save however many years of taxes, let’s say 3-years, wouldn’t the cost of storing 300,000 pounds of tax documents be a deduction?  Quickly, I began to work out how big our taxes would have to get before I could justify a storage unit when Elaine and I some day move to the city…  Tax Court doesn’t listen to pip-squeaks, so we’d need a lot more money.

While I was pondering all this…Trump hiding the tax returns for as long as he has, another one of those Strange Ure-like questions (SULQ) popped into my head.

When he leaves office, can Trump – or any other president – pardon themselves?

In other words, let’s go back to the Clinton’s.  Is there some off-the-books deal under which former presidents can “pardon me” and then be off the hook permanently?  It would sure keep the image of American President’s spiffy.

Of course, there’s also the question about whether a president could,  before leaving office, secretly pardon his wife.  No, not Melania…she hasn’t done anything but be graceful and low key.  But, what about Hil and the email?

As I was working away, it struck me that yes, perhaps presidents can pardon themselves. And the wife. Turns out, maybe, but there are limits, according to Wikipedia:

“A president cannot pardon someone for state or local crimes. Experts disagree as to whether a president can pardon himself, but pardons cannot apply to cases of impeachment. The pardon can also be used for a presumptive case, such as when President Gerald Ford pardoned Nixon over any possible crimes regarding the Watergate scandal.”

But, my,  oh my: wouldn’t a pre-pardon explain why the federal investigation into you know who’s emails explain a lot?  And since the states where possible offenses took place are democrat-controlled…well, a lot just began falling into place.

Ultimately, none of it matters. Dems in the House will kill any witch hunts on you know who and the R’s in the senate will keep up the charade until 2020.

But after thinking things through, I bet there will be more avenues ripe for speculation in any release of Trump taxes…even more-so than the Mueller report.

Is there a point?

Sure!  Learn to look at everything in life with different units of measurement.  When someone says “How far is it to work?” imagine all the possible ways to measure it.  That’s how you grow your brain and with it?  An ability to look at all things in new and amazing ways.  So when someone asks?  Try some of these answer….

  • “It’s 6-1/2 ounces of coffee….”
  • “…Three McDonalds’….
  • “…16 green houses….”
  • “…3 bus stops….”
  • “…four school zones…”
  • “…1 Walmart…”
  • “… 3 Shell stations…”
  • “...In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida…
  • “…760-thousand inches…”
  • “…19.3 million millimeters…”
  • “…5-newspaper stands…”
  • “…9 red-light cameras…
  • “…27-Starbucks’….”

And now you know why it’s important to know:  George Ure paid 10 pounds, 6.3 ounces worth of taxes in 2018. He’s hopiong for a 12-pounder in 2019.

Write when you break something…