Two weeks plus one day from now, do you know what happens?
Mercury Retrograde!
Here is why this is important, so follow along:
- When you are young, still think you are immortal and untouchable, you hear stories about “Mercury in retrograde” and you think: “Aw, that’s a load of horseshit.”
- Middle age is when your mind opens up to your real role on this Earth – as a World Observer – and so you begin to dig deeper down in the Many Worlds of Woo Woo.
- When you get older (as in, “I can see the cemetery from here!” old), you begin to really pay attention to this Retrograde stuff.
See, over some period of years, I have learned that whether sailing (grounding risk in unfamiliar waters – even Lake Washington!) or flying (dates when not to practice stalls), there are just date windows where over the span of a lifetime you enter “keep out” zones and “reduce all risks” windows.
Everyone’s window is different. I won’t bore you with the (speculative) astrology of it all. I just can testify under Oath that MY personal risk window is centered 18-24 days before Retrograde.
THAT isn’t a Shop Talk column. But I’ll tell you what is…
Lawn, Rock, Storm Door
We will assume you know the difference between a fairy tale (“once upon a time…“) and an old-fashioned firehouse story (“This is no shit, there I was…”). But Friday morning I had a feverish burst of energy. I had gotten up at 3 AM, did a serious caffeine loading and 20 minutes of red light therapy.
Mitochondria on overcharge, I wrote a pretty fair column and jumped on the riding mower a few minutes before 7 AM. I mowed like a rabid ape on speed…yes sir. Finished that lawn, complete with edging and did the mower hose-off and under-deck power wash – even blew the grass clippings off the front patio by 8:30 AM.
My lawn mowing was…what’s the word for it? Impeckerble! Walking out to the front gate was like going to my own private park. Have a look.
Once out to the road, I turned and drank it all in.
One Item Overlooked:
It was the burn barrel. Coming from a firefighter family, we are extremely careful with fire living in the tall pine (crematoria) of East Texas. Trim and a dust off with the portable air blower. Stgrack returns.
One match to the Amazon shipping box inside and…
Remember, now: 8:30 AM and I head into the house for breakfast.
Then Retrograde is “Discovered”
No, the house didn’t burn down. But as I headed in for chow, I noticed something was missing from the greenhouse door. The glass.
(Really look carefully here – because the point is in the pictures. I’m going to show you how to turn a perfectly good glass storm door into a box of glass shards. Can’t beat that with a stick, can you?)
Unbeknownst to me, while rabidly mowing, a rock had apparently been picked up and launched itself into the glass. Well, hell.
Crank up Annie Lennox (Walking on Broken Glass.)
Cue the Retrograde Entertainment Module
Loved the Andersen door. But, I may not be the only tractoring ape around. Because the lead time this side of Timbuktu was 3+ weeks. Left open that long, the raccoons would have started dropping litters in there – that wasn’t going to work.
Chatting with the very nice lady in Lowe’s local emporium, I found I could put in a (no glass) solid smooth steel door for just $268. But of course it was already pushing 87 on the thermal pain gauge, so I wanted nothing to do with that.
Besides, in my next book (first part due on Peoplenomics next week) “Timenamics” I point out that there are three or four costs involved with going into town and buying anything.
- The first cost is the item – in this case I think we figured $268. Toss in something for the Governor (it’s OK, Greg) and then?
- Don’t forget the doorknob (cost 2) and a deadbolt (cost 3 if not a set). And then a hidden time cost because everything around here is on one Master Key because I hate fumbling for keys in the rain. Though in recent temps, you bring the rain and however many keys you can find – we’ll be OK with that…
- The next cost is my time. In the Timenamics thesis, I run through the time cost – which pencils at $28.14 per hour after average taxes of $9.03 per hour on the happy crappy BLS speak of a $37-something average monthly wage. Two hours into town, monkey-motion to load, maybe a hamburger I don’t need and then home again, home again, jiggity jig.
- Final cost item is the 72.5 cents a mile for the operating cost of my old farm pickup – which is what IRS allows. (NO, I will not expense my own stupidity for this one, but if it was a business related screw-up…). Instead, I’d eat the 27 miles of costs of $19.57.
Bottom line: The simple answer (a whole new door) because I frame all doors around here to 36 X 80 openings, would be another hour of (monkey motion) to one-man it into place.
All in – real and hidden expenses – we were knocking on $400 bucks in true cost of repairs. But, time is money at 77 and besides, we’re made of money, so WTF, right?
Not So Fast: Retrograde is Still On Deck
I cannot make up shit like this.
I made the decision, “For 10 minutes, stop buying ham gear and tools, and just buy the silly door…”
I got out to the pickup – which I’d backed out of hibernation two weeks back so passing rain could water it (and turn it into a Tundra if my delusion dream of being a “truck farmer” paid off…( but, nope. No truck farming for Mr. Ure.
Instead? Flat-ass dead fricking battery. ISYN.
Mind you it’s now up to 92 humidity is so bad my armpits are dropping more liquid than a pee-stop. So I strung out power, hooked up the (brand new) charger, and 15 minutes later with the “secret decoder ring” on how that POS works, was back to seeking refuge in the only sane place left on the planet: My office.
Ultimately I decided to cut down a four-by-eight sheet of plywood and sheet-metal-screw it into the door frame once the glass was removed.
Pro Grade Tips: When you are single-handing a big sheet of plywood (remember, I’m not only 77 but lazy as a dog) slice the big sheet in half horizontally. It really doesn’t even have to be close to square. Because if you do the layout right, and you’re not a complete doofus installing, anything from a jigsaw puzzle piece up will align perfectly. Just reassemble and line up the cut line – easy as that.
Then all you need to do is install a backer-board on the inside, for those half million, (or more) screws to sink into. It isn’t pretty (inside or out) until you get a good coat of paint on it. And it doesn’t matter if that sheet of plywood was under cover but getting some sun weathering, either.
The point is that when you get two coats of a good semi-gloss exterior primer and paint on it — don’t cheap out on your paint; it’s covering all your sins, and that’s a full-time gig, right? — the results will be almost indistinguishable from a flat steel door. If the spouse offloads on you, hand ’em a sanding block and a tub of spackle.
Mention to them that T1-11 has several times the insulation value of plate glass, too. When we cobble, by God, we check the cobbler’s reference. RefDesk.
Well, except who has panel grooves on a door, huh?
Stand back further, if this bothers you. If it still really bothers you, ask whether it bothers you almost $400 worth.
“What’s Ure Point?”
You need to ask? Seriously? You really need more coffee. Here’s the takeaways list:
- Don’t mess with retrograde. It will get you.
- Don’t use glass storm doors if an idiot could mow nearby.
- The cost of repair materials is nothing. Hidden time costs bite.
- Make sure to do solid repairs when you can – do a workaround.
- Keep spare plywood around. You never know and we are in themicane season (herricane sounds sexist, know what I mean?)
Why, even AI was able to follow along: “Like a reality show this ShopTalk, George. You’re taking the reader along in real time through the wreckage, camera in hand: “Here’s the door. Here’s the glass. Here’s the burn barrel. Here’s the truck that won’t start. We are live at the scene of a developing dumbassery.”
Maybe. But the raccoons haven’t moved in, I’m sitting with the shotgun ready, and the plants are a little cooler thanks to the higher insulation value of T1-11 plywood painted white compared to a storm door.
Oh – and I saved almost $400 bucks and actually enjoyed using my tools. (Please, no “All guys enjoy using their tools…” jokes. This is a family column.) (Sort of.)
Maybe that’s just Retrograde teaching me something. So I won’t remember it next summer.
Your retrograde offset will vary. Good luck with that.
Write when you get rich,
George@Ure.net
Have a window outfit cut you a custom polycarbonate replacement door panel. That takes of the issue permanently. Acrylic is cheap but will crack easily.
Retro 29; Full moon 29. Looks like entertainment brewing
I came out from under my desk just long enough to read this – now I’m going back with the dusty bunnies…
I really appreciate you living a part of your and Elaine’s life out loud I have benefited a lot from it especially when my life is confusing and challenging thanks George
With pleasure. Keeps my out of the nut house. Why move there when I have here?
Well done and looks good. Look at it this way though.
Firstly, it was very fortunate that Elaine wasn’t standing inside that door watching and admiring you when the suspected munition was launched. Secondly, Since you did not make the trip to town you may have avoided a calamity waiting for you on the road.
C, Estimate how much moola you saved by avoiding “additional I may need that” purchases. Which actually are only considered bad by the book keeper.
4, Who says that dead ass battery would not have still been dad assed when you finished loading resulting in another hassel of battery replacement “on the fly” requiring further repairs when you get back to the shop.
There is sorta some karma related stuff implied here I ponder.
Stay safe. 73.
PS. Avoid flip flops or bare feet near that door. You will be finding small pieces of glass shards near there for millennia.
Timeatics”
If there is half as much humour in this new book as in this morning’s column, I’m putting it on Amazon preorder. Blew coffee through my nose at least 3 times. The imagery is classic.
LMAO
Hey G -Pops,
Nice Shot ! Bet you couldnt hit it a second time.
Around these parts we celebrate “rookie” mistakes” ..we be celebrating the fact that it wont happen again with correction and improvements…gee I dont know… maybe a rubber flap thingy over the outlet/outflow/discharge opening. Better yet, sink that Garden into the ground, and take advantage of the Thermal Insulation and easier Irrigation.
Our gardens (raised beds) attract all kinds of creepy crawlies/critters and Berry thieving Burds, rather not have them up against house.
Heaven forbid you throw a rock in the air, and hit someone guilty, heaven forbid.
U2 Dirty Day (live/ZooTV) -https://youtu.be/Iniz3CMTx1c?
And we aren’t doing much at all ….lol got the grandkids making brown berries to give for xmas..some mistakes but not bad..we got a bunch of those mason jar cups with lids for straws..that way if they don’t need a vegetable oil lamp they can put their drink in it..
its been a crazy year.. what surprises me is how many farms couldn’t afford to plant their whole acreage… and dry..we got an inch the other day and it soaked in and was dry again.
history channel ran a good show..the crumbling of america.. while we go to fight battles everywhere else we neglect our own security.. I’m d of like hitting your finger with a hammer on purpose..
Sheesh… BROWN Betty’s… not brown berries..
three way brown bettys.. you can use it like a cup..it straw cup.. take the straw grommet out and use it like an olive or vegetable oil candle.. or put the insert in it and trim the wick so the jar acts like a hero down oil lamp with a globe…sheesh..brown berries..sheesh..its what the grandkids are making for their Christmas show your light gift..
Herodian or Egyptian ,or ancient Chinese oil lamp…E were going to make the Canaanite vegitable oil lamp but the guy that has the kiln passed away.so we would have to primitive bake them..this is much easier
George : I believe the Retrograde and doofus mowing mistake are coincidental. Stick with being smarter with ginormous mower exit. Maybe reverse pattern near the door? If fond of the new mock door. Hey dude, add some sheet foam if wanting to take that door workup past plywood R value? I made a new door for the pumphouse bumpout here (attached to main house, under poured concrete stairs). Works a charm with foam stuck onto a bead of caulk. I heat that above freezing all winter with an incandescent bare bulb in a trouble light.
GU : “… do a workaround …”
Mantra. Works every time.
ATL : though tired, I attended my first YC event of the year. It was a Yuge Italian spread. I had the neighbor gal’s Alfredo on small serving of pasta. Worked the room then set up on the fore deck to hold Court (privilege of being a Club Elder). Finished 1:2 Stouts and retired.
Sailing scuttled. It’s raining. Again. The lake added 100 acre feet (4″ rise on nearly 300 acres surface. The corn here is already > a foot tall and beans look solid, bushy. Think some HomeBoys made bank on winter wheat. First cutting of cow / horse field grass is in and the cows look fat. Quite a herd of goats being bred around here. Mowing crews? Do they taste good?
We are _way_ wet while some around our huge nation say dry. Soon some whining will happen as low areas don’t produce (hint : a scam, if 5% is too wet the other 95% makes a bumper crop). You folks who live in arid climes need to live like a Navajo. Conserve _and_ retain the rain you get (instead of dumping into desert or a convenient gulch, stream, river, ocean).
Or, you might consider moving to the HeartLand.
Always, Egor ~ /)/) ~ (\ ~~
Past Commodore
Commodore, Vice-Commodore, Fleet Captain
Every time I see that word, I want to say: “Commode Door”.
Just watched a show on hulu..the crumbling of america.. we are so concerned about everywhere else that we forget about home..A home has to be lived in..maintained..if its abandoned it falls apart..Wouldn’t it be a wiser consideration to spend the billions and trillions on the needs of the usa infrastructure and needs of the people paying the bills to keep the lights on??
At least give a dam about our own national security….I won’t go into my fifty year rant about solar towers at every substation and handing out grid tie systems to every home owner..( it would be the less expensive choice ) greenscaping the heat sink concrete jungles and air wells in arid regions..
instead our politicians seem to only be concerned about big buck Billie and his pocket book..
(” The 2025 grades range from a B in ports to a D in stormwater and transit. For the first time since 1998, no Report Card categories were rated D?. Among the 18 categories assessed, eight saw grade increases”)
https://infrastructurereportcard.org/
If asia has no funds due british commonwealth needs as continent now recession then iran oil at 150.00 barrel is only option. Nobrics
George, this is what I use for that truck that just sits in the front
yard. Yes I know it costs money.
https://www.amazon.com/Upgraded-Waterproof-Battery-Charger-Maintainer/dp/B08K2T4RPH/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=15VFFFSMWQA1E&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.U-onSXJdA9GFUaanrEzZKcXl7q5avHTdgE8Xc3wSdmT9wC2pV7cEU0mkSJUqKRnIceOp8mK5ULOCIBTrSr-s3BH97DB6ILiqPlFn1UXs7W4r4pG_PjzpoqByBaeA6R7msVvW158WZ32b_c8m-n0ewoIFK9HzRdhAjMwFqac84shLpB0CXYX8VYVvwNIItY8vtH0apQKikgq2Ep2Q7Ko546Cb9NXQYyZyssIYObleFyYgJc54p6gxlhzxCS-C2FC-ru8NtwjLsOM_lb5yZxIDq28yxkLoiuiXI9rf4XvSjB4.HG_-NufFmDnwg5pcdkLT1DRG2X1IOKtFBsK266L4ygY&dib_tag=se&keywords=solar%2Bbattery%2Bcharger&qid=1781459981&refinements=p_72%3A1248861011&rnid=1248859011&s=automotive&sprefix=solar%2Bbattery%2Cautomotive%2C171&sr=1-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1
Yeah – I have one (similar) on the riding mower. Truck sits in the truck and tractor port (shaded) and I keep thinking of a weekend where a) I run out power from the gfi to the vehicle bays and b) put a standard “plug in” on both the tractors and truck.
Know what a “round tuitt” looks like, Perry — thanks – guess I had that coming…
Where did you mount it..I was considering the front license plate..then put a cord storage..I got three of them coming..
Thanks for sharing..I’m going to get a couple for the car
@Perry
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08K2T4RPH
Fixed that for you…
________________________________________________
@George:
First of all, everybody should have a NOCO Boost Plus (GB-40).
It is the finest “pocket portable” jump starter in the world and costs less than $100.
NOCO is an all-American company and has been for over 100 years.
The GB-40 is small enough to fit in a glove compartment or console.
It is ballsy enough to start a dead diesel dump truck at 20 below and has enough stamina to start about 4-5 more without a recharge. I have spent several thousands of dollars on, probably 25 jump packs over the past 40 years. I bought the NOCO box about 5-6 years ago. I haven’t bought another, since.
Second of all, Harbor Fright sells plug-in maintainers for <$9 and Ace Hardware, HD, Lowe's, etc. sell 110v plugs, sockets, and 16ga or 18ga zip wire, so you can build an extension cord that's exactly the right length to drop down to your truck, for only a few dollars.
Nice fix on the door. Be aware that if sufficiently motivated, rodents and raccoons will dig or chew through wood doors. If "digging" shows up, you will have several days before they dig through, to either replace the door or overlay the plywood with steel and paint it.
New door, Larson 20 (midview), is $179 from Lowe's. It's prehung with easy-install frame, and includes hardware — takes less than an hour for an old-fart, working alone, to install. It's midview, not fullview, but it's insulated, and is that 20" of view really worth $100?
Yes, I have one, no I ran the wires because in addition to wanting a full charge, I also wanted to run the DE sulfation on the back end (done) so I could judge better if the battery was end of service of just end of putting up with abuse – I don’t – but maybe a should- line out my whole things process to everything – but that would mean god-awful long columns – and they are already to the god-awful part – now to work on the long..
A coat of Kilz indoor/outdoor prImer paint will discourage nibbling critters from going after the plywood. Squirrels and rats devour untreated plywood like candy. They have less of a taste for OSB, but it is a lot harder to seal with paint
(“NOCO Boost Plus (GB-40).”)
we have a hybrid for the wife.. she loves that car..but the big thing is the $250.00 12volt battery..I had it in for oil change and a friend ( he’s a cardboard chaos guy to) warned me about how that’s the biggest flaw..the gas motor has to be running to charge the twelve volt battery..
battery maintainers went on every car that day..I love this idea that way the battery gets topped off parked in a parking lot..in winter it gets really cold here killing a battery right away and now with thinner plates batteries have a very short lifetime.. since then..I haven’t had one battery fail in over ten years..
Prolly a stupid Question…but do these trickle chargers work while Battery is Connected to Load ..Car /Truck/Boat ?
Or Does battery need to be DisConnected in order to Charge ?
Thx
With the ignition off the battery is – in effect – disconnected. There may be the odd parasitic load – like a clock – but so small as to be safely ignorable during use of a trickle charger
My time is worth nothing that way when I use it there is no cost. Since there is no beginning and no end this tiny moment in the middle is the thing of great value.
Expect everything. Regret nothing. Move. Don’t sit.
Keep floating.
Stiks
great advice – but when you do consulting or work from home. all that time could be billable…
Anyone who wants to know what I learned in my life is free to ask and get an answer for nothing. That can be valued or not. IDFC.
No stress about anything has become the goal, except of course running aground, or being lost without a clue, far at sea. The rest is still 95% visual. Don’t hit stuff, and don’t fall off the boat. The rest is pretty much easy.
No worries, they say down here. Must hear that twenty times a day. Seems to make a lot of sense.
Stiks
Amen
Stupid question, but you are the firefighter. Why don’t you punch a few holes around the base rim of the burn barrel for air intake & more efficient burn? That’s the way I’ve seen most ‘burn barrels’.
Actually, it’s my son and my dad and a mess of uncles – I liked the air conditioned news unit, lol
OK serious answer: If you ever need to put out a burn barrel in a hurry, you need a well fitting cover preferably with a handle, and no air intrusion so it will go out. I have done enough “land defense” with small brush fires on neighboring land that you don’t mess with ffire (or pee into the wind in sailing terms).
how about the top? need a spark screen? piece 1/ 2″ (1 .27 em) No. 13 flattened expanded metal
24″ x 24″ (61 em x 61 em)
source,,,
https://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=5366&context=extensionhist
on the other hand, I had to remove the spark screen from my old Sthil chainsaw muffler, made it easier to start
Ahh… the “Smothers Brothers” defense. Makes perfect sense.
I had a wonderful grill I adored..until the fire…it was an iron grill..lined the tray with aluminum foil..( bet you can guess where this is heading) fired it up and dam the fire from hell..I got the gas cylinder off and away but dam it almost burned through the concrete.. after I got it out..I looked it over all shaking..and it hit me.. iron oxide and aluminum particles and old grease as a propellent.. not even thinking about it I had accidentally made thermite..scared the crap out of me..now I use my small stainless camping grill and not one piece of aluminum anywhere near it.. but last year..the daughter had a similar grill and also lined it with aluminum foil..she had a hell fire to..told her get rid of it.. it’s to easy to accidentally d on that..
we got one of the char broilers.. I still haven’t been able to use it..the wind here won’t allow it to stay lit..
major nightmarish phone ordeal over the last few weeks. seen plenty of other retro tech failures over the years. this shit is real! 8(
WARRIOR cheese
2 cups whole milk ( you can use powdered instant milk to )
2 large eggs tv
2 tbsp corn starch
1–1½ tsp sodium citrate (controls melt makes it smoother )
1½ cups shredded cheese (cheddar, Colby, or blend you choose..I like Swiss but get a good Swiss more flavor)
2 tbsp butter
1/2 tsp salt (adjust to taste)
1/2 tsp annatto (optional for color)
went to make some American cheese and oh my I didn’t have the Anna to coloring or the sodium citrate… to the ZON I go..
In a blender, combine milk, eggs, cornstarch, sodium citrate, salt and annato..you decide how dark you want your cheese..
Pour the mixture into a saucepan over medium?low heat. Stir constantly until it begins to thicken slightly…. coating the spoon like thick gravy..
Then add shredded cheese a handful at a time…
Add the butter…milk fat..gives it a better melt but isn’t totally necessary..I haven’t done it but have thought about olive oil..
Continue stirring until the mixture becomes thick, shiny, and completely lump free…
I wonder if the wife will get upset if I used smoked salt instead of regular salt..
Here’s a product I love.. A while back the doctors were concerned and thought I had sinus cancer did a ton of biopsies etc.. said I need surgery..( nope its not covered ) then I got one of these..
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001CWT4JI?
and one of these
https://www.amazon.com/Navage-Nasal-Irrigation-Basic-Bundle/dp/B01787L6QY/ref=sxin_11_pa_sp_search_thematic_sspa?content-id=amzn1.sym.292df443-b323-44ae-8b40-9a666975b8b5%3Aamzn1.sym.292df443-b323-44ae-8b40-9a666975b8b5&crid
they are amazing..I still have to use it a dozen times a day but dam nice I can at least breath..on the navage..you could go bankrupt buying the salt..here’s how to bypass the double switch.. cut the salt water pocket off leaving the collar..then add your sea salt.. and baby shampoo..yes its amazing five drops of baby shampoo..the specialist suggested it and its amazing.. then as your closing the trap door..flip the upper switch with you finger..you will hear it click..then close it up the bottom switch is flipped when the door is closed..
enjoy..
the other on has a back sprayer to blast up into the sinuses stopping the gagging and chocking.. sure makes life easier..took a decade to get a doctor to refer me to the specialist..
(I mowed like a rabid ape on speed…yes sir. Finished that lawn, complete with edging and did the mower hose-off and under-deck power wash – even blew the grass clippings off the front patio by 8:30 AM….)
This is no shit there I was sitting on the veranda watching the part time city boy get ready to mow the city property.. AT FULL SPEED…lol lol lol it was the most hilarious thing I ever seen..he would hit the curb and it was like watching the dukes of hazard.. lol lol lol.. I can just see you mowing like a raped ape lol lol..
But the thrill of “grabbing air on launch…”
God I loved to watch him mow..lol lol I had the car in getting an oil change and seen a farmer combining at full speed to..that was hilarious to watch lol lol I wondered if it was the same kid..Those dam things cost over a million.. just don’t get a green one..I had a deer lawn mower when it worked it had power but even the dealership couldn’t fix it.. made a good fishing sinker..got a cub snowblower got halfway through the drive and it stopped..found out the company doesn’t have a good warranty division you bought it its yours.. bought a snapper until the cub was fixed and dam what a workhorse.. made locally to..speaking of that I need to run the fuel treatment through it today
Drought….Bueller…..Bueller…
That was snarky….living in East Tx. we have seen the droughts, the level of the lake….the brown pastures, the brown pines and deciduous trees. the fear one spark will burn it all down….this is NOT a drought. my tomatos say otherwise.
It’s rains a hell of a lot more in the Frankston High-roller area. We oscillate between Dath Valley and the Johnstown Flood depending on day. My tomatoes aren’t setting fruit and one flower asked me on the way through the grow room this morning “Hey fatso! You going to grow tomatoes or do you want us to produce tomato paste and call it good?”
My wife’s family has lived here since the 1840’s, prior to the railroad going in (Frankston) the community out here was called Hollywood. Churches, stores, taverns. With the help of my 93 year old MIL, I was able to locate and start excavating the original outhouse. If you ever want to go back in time….take a visit to Dabbs Cemetery. there was a church and school….years ago.
at the square there is an old rectangular building where the MIL worked as a little girl, it was a tomato packing building.
the history of these hills are quite amazing.
if you ever want to see History, swing by. The kitchen the slaves cooked the meals is still standing (barely). we had to remove the Historical Marker because the greedy insurance company would not insure the home.
….too much risk. because of the Marker. County Comish…said f-them and allowed us to put it in the road easement.
Hear from the neighbors that there’s a good buffet up Frankston way – think is was on weekend morning or was it thursday nites?
Buffet did not last long… better half ate there once.
Except for the ts store then, one big Ure sized attraction up there – 2 if I count your long range shooting alleys where g2 anbd frieds go to work out long range on their ar’s
re: “(Mercury) Retrograde…Rock”
feat: Bunny hip-hops to Pope
This weekend saw Bad Bunny and his travelling Sapo Concho play Madrid (latin: “Matrix”?) at the Metropolitano Stadium with a capacity of 70,000. The entertainer is on his looking back “DTMF” (I Should Have Taken More Photos) Tour.
It seems that earlier Bad Bunny stopped by after Pope Leo’s mass to 1.2 million of the faithful for a papal post-gig private audience at the 83,000 person capacity Santiago Bernabéu Stadium. No public photos have surfaced yet.
Later as chance would have it, while the Pope and his entourage along with journalists awaited departure of their commercial plane from Tenerife (“White Mountain”), the captain cancelled the flight. Thankfully the King of Spain saved the day and had the Pope flown back to the Rock, Rome, on one of his personal Falcon Spanish Air Force jets. Accompanying papal journalists are understood to be accommodated on first available commercial carrier alternatives.
A Husky tail…
Last night, Dad let me outside for five minutes. FIVE. Whole. Minutes. In that time, I caught a frog and shoved it in my mouth—because I am an apex predator with the impulse control of a toddler.
Dad, oblivious as ever, let me back in without checking my mouth.
Rookie. Move.
Fast forward: Mom and Dad are in bed. The lights are off. The house is quiet. Peaceful. Serene.
And then there’s me.
Pounding the mattress with my massive horse hooves, demanding entry like I pay the mortgage. I’m huffing. Snorting. Dramatically sighing. Because clearly, I am the victim here.
After some grumbling and a very tired “Oh my god, just let him up,” they finally lift the covers.
I was cold, okay? Freezing. Traumatized by the 42 seconds of outdoor wilderness. So I slid under the covers by their feet like a sneaky, oversized burrito of chaos.
Now this is where the universe decided we needed character development.
The frog—clearly fed up with my nonsense and terrible life choices—starts moving around inside my mouth.
And I’m like…
“…excuse me?”
I open just enough.
Just a tiny crack.
And that little athlete launches himself into freedom.
Chaos.
Under.
The.
Covers.
Can you imagine me — Zeus, King of the House — unleashing my royal athleticism inside a blanket cocoon?
It’s like a washing machine cycle set to “panic.”
Blankets flying.
Paws flailing.
Tail windmilling at 200 mph.
Then suddenly…
BOING.
The frog lands directly on Mom’s foot.
She instantly knows.
That wasn’t fabric.
That wasn’t imagination.
That was a cold, tiny creature from Satan’s aquarium.
Her scream?
Glass-shattering.
Car-alarm triggering.
Possibly heard in three neighboring postal codes.
And before anyone can react…
BOING.
The frog disappears.
Then reappears ON THE PILLOW.
Mom is now screaming in surround sound.
She’s yelling, “I’M BURNING THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND!” like we’re on an episode of Extreme Overreactions: Midnight Edition.
Meanwhile, I’m still under the blankets doing what can only be described as interpretive dance mixed with combat training. I can’t find the exit. I’m tangled in sheets. I look like a possessed marshmallow.
The frog makes another jump.
Across. Her. Leg.
Again.
Mom launches out of bed like she just activated turbo mode. Adrenaline at 10,000%. She hasn’t moved that fast since someone said “50% off at Costco.”
She’s now armed with a Birkenstock and a lamp.
A. Lamp.
She’s yelling, “FINISH HIM!” like we just entered Mortal Kombat: Amphibian Edition.
Dad is in the middle of the room trying to:
Calm Mom down.
Untangle my giant fluffy backside from the fitted sheet.
Process how his five-minute decision destroyed the entire household.
He’s half whispering, half yelling, “It’s just a frog!” while also climbing on furniture like the floor is lava.
At one point I’m wrapped in the comforter like a dramatic Victorian ghost, spinning in circles because I STILL THINK I’M HUNTING.
The frog?
Gone.
Vanished.
Probably somewhere in the house paying taxes and claiming residency.
Long story short:
The frog is nowhere to be found.
Mom is now sleeping in her car.
Windows cracked. Engine off. Emotionally done.
She’s probably Googling:
“How to get rid of a husband AND a dog.”
“Can you return a pet after 5 years?”
“Do frogs survive house fires?”
Dad?
Banned from bedtime snack duties.
Demoted to Official Amphibian Patrol.
Currently checking corners with a flashlight like he’s in a low-budget horror film.
And me?
I’ll be back in bed tonight.
Because I fear nothing.
Learn nothing.
Regret absolutely nothing.
And if that frog suddenly appears on the ceiling at 3 AM?
That sounds like a Mom problem
re: “If I See Your Mother…”
feat: Bad Bunny
As chance would have it, Bad Bunny’s sidekick is Sapo Concho otherwise known as the Puerto Rican crested toad. Native to parts of Puerto Rico and The Virgin Islands, the species is considered critically endangered. Capture or harm of the creature may invite federal penalties.
Mercy sakes, Ray! That was incredible as well as hilarious! Hope you located the frog. Huskies can be quite mischievous at times. Frogs can be hard to catch.
Reminds me of the time a mouse snuck into our 3/4 ton Suburban while my late husband and I were camped out and sleeping in the vehicle. The mouse was behaving like a pin ball, bouncing off my sleeping bag with me screaming. I hate varmints that run around at a fast pace. Makes them hard to catch. I do hate mice.
So the vehicle was rocking back and forth, screaming could be heard, and my friends in their tent nearby thought that wild sex was on the late night menu. They never believed the mouse story.
The vehicle rocking back bad forth was just like that rocking van scene in a particular Cheech and Chong movie, for those who might recall.
I did something similar with my mower (Husqvarna with 48″ deck, 24 HP Kawasaki and a K66 transaxle with electronic lock differential). It threw out a rock and broke the drivers window on my truck. I ordered a chute blocker (mulch plug) and some Gator blades and no more thrown rocks. the plus side is the green grass clippings feeds the nitrogen back into the lawn.
My grandkids were mowing for me and sent a rock through the living room window..couldn’t get upset because they were doing a good thing..we have a rule here in our home..an OOPS isn’t anything that we will get upset over..everyone has an oops..something done in anger is another thing..we dont have a limit to what they eat either..if our lips aren’t on it then its open season to whoever wants it..and Guests — especially elders or honored visitors — are served first before anyone else..