No, Elaine and I aren’t splitting the sheets…we’re just as (or more) in love & lust than when we got hitched almost 18-years back.  But Marriage is over and Mergers have replaced marriage globally.

That’s what we got to talking about this weekend:  The whole notion of marriage going by the wayside.  So, maybe in our ever-so-on-point view of the world, we ought to retire the word “marriage” because it is quickly sliding from the “Applicable” column to the “Archaic” side of Language.

Let’s start with a definition…

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The various online diction-mahoozits say marriage is:

“…the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman).”

Except that, as should be obvious – ever since that feller married his computer, that neither a Man nor Woman is any longer required.

WHAT?  You missed the story “Man seeking to marry his computer sues Alabama over gay marriage…”  The man suing (Chris Sevier says the article) may be a lot brighter than the rest of us.

In fact, before the case gets laughed out, someone in the Courts ought to figure out what happens if they turn down this case, and then in a few years, either Sevier (or someone equally bright) says “Look here:  I want to marry my robot!”

Think this through carefully before jumping to your pre-programmed response:

  • With the advent of Sex Robots, a robot might be able to provide the traditional sexual part of a marriage. Straight, LBGTQ and Craftsman, lol.
  • Since there would be AI in such a robot (and presumably it would be able to pass the Turing Test), they might provide some minimal level of chit-chat.  Cheaper than dating?  Uh…..yeah, I guess so….
  • They might not complain about picking up after themselves.
  • They might also do yardwork without complaint…
  • They could also hold down a job 365 days a year.  I can see a world where a robot would be assigned to “Go to work for 8-hours on an assembly line…” and bring in some income.  Pick up a bucket of chicken on the way home…
  • And, if a robot is bringing in taxable income…but wait!  Does IRS even have a part in The Code where an autonomous AI (as a Corporation on its own) can be taxed like us mere mortals?
  • Suddenly, the specter of a tax-advantaged mechanical relationship appears and this underscores the brilliance of Sevier’s suit.

Even without those facts starting to scramble to the one side of the Scales of Just-us, let’s see if the term Marriage ought to even be in the dictionary anymore.

Is there a Man requirement?  Nope.

Woman requirement?  Nope.

Is their a One Each requirement to Adopt a child?  Nope.

To claim one-another on Income Taxes?  Nope.

Is there an IQ or Turing Test requirement?  Nope.

Moreover, would any Man or Woman today pass an IQ test?  Uhhhh….let’s set that one aside.

What about the Turing Test?  You do know the Turing Test, right?

“The Turing test, developed by Alan Turing in 1950, is a test of a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human. Turing proposed that a human evaluator would judge natural language conversations between a human and a machine designed to generate human-like responses. The evaluator would be aware that one of the two partners in conversation is a machine, and all participants would be separated from one another. The conversation would be limited to a text-only channel such as a computer keyboard and screen so the result would not depend on the machine’s ability to render words as speech.[2] If the evaluator cannot reliably tell the machine from the human, the machine is said to have passed the test. The test does not check the ability to give correct answers to questions, only how closely answers resemble those a human would give.”

So let’s distill our thinking here:

  1.  No gender requirements.
  2.  No Turing Test score or IQ test…
  3.  But strangely, no one has dealt with the questions that would legally arise if Elaine and I “married” our Alexa and that fancy new Google voice thingy and we all four lived communally… Would a marriage couple with robots be bigamists?  (ViseGrips, please!)

You see the tax issues, too, right?

Elaine uses her Alexa to provide music and listen to the radio, read books and such, so Alexa is a “work partner” of sorts…BUT can’t she write off Alexa as a dependent? No.  Likewise, since the Google thingy helps with my work, it’s a business-related expense…

So what happens when that scales up to walk-around robots?  The mind spins…

Marriage is also becoming an archaic term for another reason:  Today, what is colloquially called “marriage” is a misuse of the business term “merger.”

The way Investopedia figures it “A merger is a deal to unite two existing companies into one new company. There are several types of mergers and also several reasons why companies complete mergers. Most mergers unite two existing companies into one newly named company..”

Except, those of us bright enough to read the Citizens United case, where the high Court gave superior rights to corporations over humans,  lots of what were formerly “sovereign individuals” are working on ways to become “sovereign companies.”

We won’t be the test case…We’ve got more to do than stomp on the tail of that dragon.

BUT! Here’s the Ugly Truth of the Everything’s a Business Model world:

If you are a company, everything you do to further the making of money is an allowable business write-off. Deductible expenses.

Say you need a broom to keep the workplace orderly.  Then  a broom closet is an expense.  And since the closet gets dirty, you can write off the cost of maintaining the broom closet (Swiffers or whatever to dust it, for example).  The cost of the space the broom closet occupies, ad infinitum. (Trust the MBA guy on this one, human’s get the short shrift.)

THAT’s because People are treated under the tax code as inferior to Corporations.

Say your home is the “broom closet” for, oh, the George Corporation, I can’t write off all expenses associated with that scaled-up broom closet.  I “store” the George Machine on a special foam mattress at night.  But can I write off that storage location?  No.

The George Machine has to be clean and not smell.  Can I write off the shower?  No.  Deoderant?  No.  Clothes for the workplace?  No.  Even through a Corporation can write off the cost of “product packaging.”

See how crooked this stuff is?

Moreover, when I drive to a “job” site, it’s not a “business expense” if I am regularly employed there.  WTF?  Who makes up this crap?

You see, when a Corporation that flies some expert SOB in from out of town, they get to write off his food, hotel, incidentals, car rental, parking, equipment expenses, and so on.  The Corporation therefore, gets a rollicking HUGE write off as “legit” business expenses things that regular working folks get bent-over for.

Under similar conditions, if you were able to write off all the expenses associated with getting your lazy ass to work, like the cost of the coffee this morning, wouldn’t it lighten your tax bill?  Hell yeah.  Because ALL the expenses (housing the business, utilities and such) are written off by Corps,  but audits and fines for us as little people should we engage in the same kind of accounting.

Whew!  You see, the REAL reason Citizens United gave superior rights to Corporations (which are legal fictions) is so they would get something back from the government corporations own.  “Freedom” to elect is really an illusion pulled off by a handful of political insiders and manipulators once you get any higher up the food chain than dog catcher.

A bit off track, but that’s why we are changing our use of the world Marriage. It’s outta here!

Because in fact, the reality is, that today young people are Merging, more than marrying.  They look at incomes, lifestyles, and so forth. They compare student loan debt.  Cost of children, cost of retirements.  In the words of Tina Turner:  “What’s Love got to do with it?”

So, I would argue, people now MERGE.

For those not clear on the accountancy issues here, wake up and fire every SOB/DOB who runs for re-election whenever your can.  If possible, install in their place Humans First candidates who will hold for ALL of us the same rights as machines and Corporations.

Is there more?  Hell yeah.  Wait till you hear my discussion of how, at Age 68, I should be able to deduct previously unclaimed personal depreciation!  Because my body is a machine.  And you can  bet your ass that Corporations get to write off their machines.  So why can we write off ours?

The joke is misstated.  “You can’t take it with you when you die.”

But that’s on the income side.  I have no interest at all in dying with several million dollars worth of unclaimed deprecation.  That’s just crooked, plain and simple.

When any other machine wears out, someone write off depreciation.

Show me where WE – measly humans – get that same opportunity!

Everything is a Business Model is the great Fact No One Deals With.  Because if you’re an egalitarian person, all about love, you’ll miss the point that love has nothing to do with marriage.  Nowadays, it’s mergers.

While marraige had a declining influence in the past, today it’s a sick joke on  the stupidest herd of humans ever to suck icons.

Write when you get rich,