Unconventional thinking. That’s what we do best in the East Texas Outback.
You see, when people are tightly packed into what we call the “human coops” – the 300 s/f condos and apartments and incredible traffic jams – there’s no quiet space in the head. That’s where original thinking comes from.
This week Elaine and I were chatting and we came up with a pretty interesting way to sort the wheat from the chaff when comes to climate change.
The process is simple.
We live on 29 acres of registered tree farm. We are in the “business” of growing trees. Business is always slow since our “crop” takes 20-years to raise to a cutting and our last cut was in 2004. Can rush this kind of business. No employees and thus, low blood pressure as a bonus.
What’s we’re doing, mostly, is sequestering carbon. Bunches and oodles of it. But we refuse to take part in the crooked trade in “carbon credits” and such. That’s like trading in “spouse beating credits.”
We do live the light carbon footprint, however.
We travel little, lots of our energy comes from solar, and we have a tiny garden mainly for the ‘maters and squash.
So what’s our plan to mediate Climate Change?
Simply this: If people REALLY believed in such nonsense as Global Warming – which has been morphed into climate change when those Climategate emails came out showing how everyone was making up numbers – they would not live near the water.
Truth be told, we have been looking at moving closer to our children in the Seattle area with Payson, AZ as a fallback. Seattle has gotten stupidly expensive.
Which is why I noted that Seattle is a dandy example of the Liberal Climate Change Lie.
When I was a boy, we had friends of the family, two women (long before lesbian was a polite term) who lived together on a wonderful double-lot with sea wall on Alki Beach. One lot had the house, the other the boat house and rose gardens. What a place.
Just for the heck of it, I looked it up on Trulia: $1.6 million nowadays. And not presently for sale.
Seattle is gosh-darn liberal and I would think people’d know there better than anywhere that climate change is going to wreck waterfront homes, right?
Just last weekend, the climate promoter in chief, Al Gore was (stupidly) claiming “…fish were swimming in the streets of Miami” already.
Aren’t people in the Pacific Northwest – or along the rich-folks shoreline of Sausalito – listening? They habitually elect democrat do-gooders…and then they live next to ocean levels. The incongruity of it all was mind-boggling.
(I’ve always had a problem with people who talk republican and then vote democrat. In Seattle, you’ve got mindless hordes voting democrat and living republican. How do we fix it?
We kicked it around for a while.
The solution soon became obvious: People who believe in climate change and still live in waterfront homes are liars. And if they believe in the Global Warming hoax, that would make them double liars.
Worse, the politicians out west (and on the east coast too) haven’t gotten the word: Stupid County Assessors all over the country are still putting a premium on waterfront homes! If climate change, sea level rise and all wasn’t complete BS, waterfront home prices (thus appraisals) should be in collapse already.
We have decided to give the “climate and warming liars” a way to redeem themselves.
We wrote up a radio ad to run in Seattle. Here’s the ad copy – see what you think.
“If you’re a democrat and live in a waterfront home, this message is for you. Everyone know the global climate is changing. If you believe Al Gore, and if you own a prime waterfront home and want to sell BEFORE climate destroys your home, please send us an email and we may buy your waterfront home for up to 10-cents on the dollar.
Have a nice waterfront home Seattle?
A home with dock on the Intercostal near Fort Lauderdale? We may buy your property for up to 10-cents on the dollar of assessed value.
Don’t wait. Al Gore says a square kilometer of glacier is melting every day. Get out while the getting’s good! Save yourself from cataclysmic climate loss.
Talk to your accountant about possible tax benefits, too.
By selling, you can become an honest alarmist – and Deplorables like us will be in that high risk waterfront home when climate calamity shows up.
Send your waterfront property details to email@example.com. That’s firstname.lastname@example.org.
This is a free email: email@example.com. Readers are standing by.
Are you a climate liar or liberal hypocrite? Don’t be! Sell us your waterfront home and walk the talk. firstname.lastname@example.org “
Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch
We’re looking to hire a contract killer.
Our creek bottom has been torn up by wild hogs…
Wild hogs are a terrible problem in Texas.
And if that isn’t enough of a problem, we’re also having a time with raccoons, too.
Night before last one of the little critters decided to take apart my screen door. It was promptly repaired and a trip down to Lowes resulted in a metal lower screen cover going on.
Think that’d be the end of it?
Well, no. The next night one of the critters managed to paw-open the other screen door that comes in from the cooking deck. This in spite of Elaine tying the door to a heavy stool.
So here’s the plan.
Elaine’s retired SF brother who patiently sat for 5-hours, or so, up by the garden before plugging a mole with his .380 pistol (and who lives by the ‘one shot, one kill’ dictum) has been invited to come over.
He’ll have his choice of arms: Shotgun, AK-47, SKS….maybe a Ruger or Glock 19…you know, farm implements in Texas.
I know, I know…where’s your feely-feely for animal life?
That feely-feely was lost in the pile of raccoon poop on the deck.
If you love animals or are from the local PETA Chapter, you give me a call today and we will show mercy if you trap ‘em and haul ‘em off.
But in case you hadn’t noticed, this morning’s theme around here is no mush-headed talkers. You want to “Save the Animals” then get half a dozen hog traps and three raccoon traps over here stat.
Unlike Congress, people in these parts don’t just talk stuff to death. We believe in direct action. It’s called ‘getting ‘er done.’ If ‘getting ‘er done’ is a foreign concept to you and you’re a victim of dumbed-down education, ‘getting ‘er done’ doesn’t involve thinking and talking things to death. Instead it is recognized by calluses, sweat, sore muscles, and occasional bloodshed.