Coping: Our Climate Change Mediation Plan

Unconventional thinking.  That’s what we do best in the East Texas Outback.

You see, when people are tightly packed into what we call the “human coops” – the 300 s/f condos and apartments and incredible traffic jams – there’s no quiet space in the head.  That’s where original thinking comes from.

This week Elaine and I were chatting and we came up with a pretty interesting way to sort the wheat from the chaff when comes to climate change.


The process is simple.

We live on 29 acres of registered tree farm.  We are in the “business” of growing trees.  Business is always slow since our “crop” takes 20-years to raise to a cutting and our last cut was in 2004.  Can rush this kind of business.  No employees and thus, low blood pressure as a bonus.

What’s we’re doing, mostly, is sequestering carbon.  Bunches and oodles of it.  But we refuse to take part in the crooked trade in “carbon credits” and such.  That’s like trading in “spouse beating credits.”

We do live the light carbon footprint, however.

We travel little, lots of our energy comes from solar, and we have a tiny garden mainly for the ‘maters and squash.

So what’s our plan to mediate Climate Change?

Simply this:  If people REALLY believed in such nonsense as Global Warming – which has been morphed into climate change when those Climategate emails came out showing how everyone was making up numbers – they would not live near the water.

Truth be told, we have been looking at moving closer to our children in the Seattle area with Payson, AZ as a fallback.  Seattle has gotten stupidly expensive.

Which is why I noted that Seattle is a dandy example of the Liberal Climate Change Lie.

When I was a boy, we had friends of the family, two women (long before lesbian was a polite term) who lived together on a wonderful double-lot with sea wall on Alki Beach.  One lot had the house, the other the boat house and rose gardens.  What a place.

Just for the heck of it, I looked it up on Trulia:  $1.6 million nowadays.  And not presently for sale.

Seattle is gosh-darn liberal and I would think people’d know there better than anywhere that climate change is going to wreck waterfront homes, right?

Just last weekend, the climate promoter in chief, Al Gore was (stupidly) claiming “…fish were swimming in the streets of Miami” already.

Aren’t people in the Pacific Northwest – or along the rich-folks shoreline of Sausalito – listening?  They habitually elect democrat do-gooders…and then they live next to ocean levels.  The incongruity of it all was mind-boggling.

(I’ve always had a problem with people who talk republican and then vote democratIn Seattle, you’ve got mindless hordes voting democrat and living republican.  How do we fix it?

We kicked it around for a while.

The solution soon became obvious:  People who believe in climate change and still live in waterfront homes are liars.  And if they believe in the Global Warming hoax, that would make them double liars.

Worse, the politicians out west (and on the east coast too) haven’t gotten the word:  Stupid County Assessors all over the country are still putting a premium on waterfront homes!  If climate change, sea level rise and all wasn’t complete BS, waterfront home prices (thus appraisals) should be in collapse already.

We have decided to give the “climate and warming liars” a way to redeem themselves.

We wrote up a radio ad to run in Seattle.  Here’s the ad copy – see what you think.

If you’re a democrat and live in a waterfront home, this message is for you. Everyone know the global climate is changing.  If you believe Al Gore, and if you own a prime waterfront home and want to sell BEFORE climate destroys your home, please send us an email and we may buy your waterfront home for up to 10-cents on the dollar.

Have a nice waterfront home Seattle?

A home with dock  on the Intercostal near Fort Lauderdale?  We may buy your property for up to 10-cents on the dollar of assessed value.

Don’t wait.  Al Gore says a square kilometer of glacier is melting every day.  Get out while the getting’s good!  Save yourself from cataclysmic climate loss. 

Talk to your accountant about possible tax benefits, too.

By selling, you can become an honest alarmist – and Deplorables like us will be in that high risk waterfront home when climate calamity shows up.

Send your waterfront property details to  That’s

This is a free email:  Readers are standing by.

Are you a climate liar or liberal hypocrite?  Don’t be!  Sell us your waterfront home and walk the talk. “

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

We’re looking to hire a contract killer.


Our creek bottom has been torn up by wild hogs…

Wild hogs are a terrible problem in Texas.

And if that isn’t enough of a problem, we’re also having a time with raccoons, too.

Night before last one of the little critters decided to take apart my screen door.  It was promptly repaired and a trip down to Lowes resulted in a metal lower screen cover going on.

Think that’d be the end of it?

Well, no.  The next night one of the critters managed to paw-open the other screen door that comes in from the cooking deck.  This in spite of Elaine tying the door to a heavy stool.

So here’s the plan.

Elaine’s retired SF brother who patiently sat for 5-hours, or so, up by the garden before plugging a mole with his .380 pistol (and who lives by the ‘one shot, one kill’ dictum) has been invited to come over.

He’ll have his choice of arms:  Shotgun, AK-47, SKS….maybe a Ruger or Glock 19…you know, farm implements in Texas.

I know, I know…where’s your feely-feely for animal life?

That feely-feely was lost in the pile of raccoon poop on the deck.

If you love animals or are from the local PETA Chapter, you give me a call today and we will show mercy if you trap ‘em and haul ‘em off.

But in case you hadn’t noticed, this morning’s theme around here is no mush-headed talkers.  You want to “Save the Animals” then get half a dozen hog traps and three raccoon traps over here stat.

Unlike Congress, people in these parts don’t just talk stuff to death.  We believe in direct action.  It’s called ‘getting ‘er done.’ If ‘getting ‘er done’ is a foreign concept to you and you’re a victim of dumbed-down education, ‘getting ‘er done’ doesn’t involve thinking and talking things to death.  Instead it is recognized by calluses, sweat, sore muscles, and occasional bloodshed.

Oh well.

25 thoughts on “Coping: Our Climate Change Mediation Plan”

  1. George, this is from a guy who lives at 700ft above sea level. The people with sea level homes aren’t necessarily hypocrites about global warming. The consequences, sea level rise, will be slow, generational. The people with homes on barrier islands are not hurricane deniers. The people living near the Pacific NW coast or on the San Andreas fault are not plate tectonics deniers. And the people living in Naples Italy are not volcano deniers. Delusional, maybe. Or maybe just like those that think they can sell all their stock near the market top and get out with a big profit.

    At least the Italians have a great solution to your wild hog problem, cinghiale, delicious!

    • LOL…but look the point I am trying to make (with my oddball sense of humus) is this:
      At what point does sea level change “get real” and at what point can I buy Elaine and me a house on the beach for 10-cents on the buck?

      • Personally, I’m waiting for the big one on the Pacific NW coast. I’ve got my eye on Cannon Beach for some real value (1 cent on the dollar, or less) but I could settle for Whidbey Island or Bainbridge Island at less discount (3 cents on the dollar?)

      • Never satisfied in living “Ure Purpose”, R U?
        First, you list all Ure contributions to the goals of those “climate liars or liberal hypocrites”, who are living “large” on the beach. Some of those contributions:”tree farm; solar panels; low carbon foot-print; food self-suffiency; and wildlife exterminator.
        Secondly, after Ure soon to be realized-profit, derived from the felling of all those “carbon gulping pines”(66.5 trees to offset the average human footprint of 1000 lbs. carbon/year), affords you the luxury of replanting the barren landscape of once “carbon gulping pines”, Ure “fake radio advert” suggests– you are torn to simply leave all that 29 acres to the “hogs and coons”, and move to where your heart truly longs 2b..a Houseboat on Lake Washington?

      • George, just follow the Chinese lead and add some rocks and pilings to some shallow water off Seattle. You’ll have your own private island and with solar and a microwave link, you can have all the comforts of civilization.

      • You nailed the problem without knowing it: The “shallow water off Seattle” is on the order of 200-400 feet deep.

        Want to tell me how to slip that by the Washington Shoreline Protection Act clown posse?

  2. Liberal news out of Seattle:
    Monday, by a 7 to 1 vote, the city council enacted a $1.75 per ounce tax on sweetened drinks. (a 16 oz. Coke = $28.00) This is not a hoax. Why would you even think of going back there. I got out in 2010. I miss it horribly. But you couldn’t pay me to go back.

  3. People who believe in climate change and still live in waterfront homes – no they are not liars, instead they firmly believe that ‘it won’t happen during my lifetime’. Same as the people who built their home right off of 14 on the San Andreas fault – won’t happen in their lifetime. Are they optimists or realists or just plain delusional? Who knows – until it happens.

  4. George, have you considered adding a barbecue pork business to go with the golf course? More seriously, another reason to “remove” raccoons is that they can carriers of some nasty/deadly parasites.

  5. George, had to laugh at your Racoon issue. I have an outdoor cat and the raccoons were emptying the automatic cat feeder every night. Moved the feeder 5 foot high, placed rat traps on all climbing points and the cat food falls through a gutter downspout. Problem solved? No way. The raccoons now know when the feeder timer goes off and are waiting to be fed. I now sit in my hot tub at feeding time with a Ruger Single Six loaded with CCI subsonic.

    • Yep. On Wednesday night one of the small, super-aggressive raccoons climbed up a tree after I caught him in mid-swipe at the cat and with a food bowl in the raccoon’s mouth.

      I chased him with a broom and he immediately “treed”. Which gave me time to go in the house and pick up a Glock 19.

      A minute later and he fell from the tree (from 20-feet up) the victim of lead-induced vertigo. I will testify it was the fall that did him in.,

      I will have to look for some of that CCI since our ‘house loads’ are ARX polymer tipped. Perhaps the noise did him in?

  6. George, with all the sweat, callusses, sore muscles and Occasional bloodshed That makes you a white Privileged person. you should feel guilty of yourself and give everything you worked hard for to the liberals up north. That way they will have a place to live when the water rises.

    • OK, OK…I feel (watch close this will go by quick) guilty. OK, over it now.
      Oh, we already have the liberals (snowflake kids) lined up, try the next ranch up the road

  7. George, I like the suggestion of a Ruger Single six for the Racoons. In suburban Bham I looked out on the deck and saw six ‘coons at once. Since the neighbors live close I have a Crossman 1322 Medalist (they sell the 1377 (.177 Cal) at WalMart.) 1o pumps, opened the door, they all looked like “so what old man”, and shot the biggest one in the head. Heard the pellet slap, and he did a back-flip over the porch rail. The others all ran. I went down off the deck and looked, and no racoon so i guess it didn’t kill him (then). Anyway, they have not come back.
    That SKS should take care of the Hogs just fine, get some deer corn and spread out about dusk and find a high place to wait. You may not get them all at once but in about a week you will probably clear them out. You better get on it they breed three to four times a year, and have a dozen at a whack, so you can get buried quick.
    The middle sized ones, about 100 lbs, eat really well. The “footballs”, young’uns about 20-30 lbs don’t have enough meat to count, and the big ones, 250lbs up, you don’t want to eat. Too gamey.
    Oh, and shoot them in the head, the heart shot will work but they will run off, so hit them in the ear to stop them right there.
    Good Luck.

  8. Hello, George,
    Being ‘raised country’, I would probably recommend a 22-inch barrel .22 WMR soft point for the raccoons (to ensure a clean kill), and something in a 24-inch .308 with a scope for the hogs, 168-180gr soft points, zero scope @ 200 yards.


    • Forgot to add: raccoons carry RABIES! PLEASE make them your TOP PRIORITY! Knew a guy in Atlantic Beach, FL who had to duck back into his front door when his formerly friendly Irish Setter went after him. He subsequently retrieved his handgun and shot the dog. Necropsy revealed the dog had rabies, likely from contact with the local raccoons.


  9. Jon –

    Few people will deny that humans have had an effect on the climate. However, the degree to which human activity effects the climate has been hugely overblown – as another scheme for taxation without oversight.

    Go look at the solar cycle and the activity here at the end of #24 – record cold popping up all over the southern hemisphere, and has been for the last few years, from Brazil to South Africa to New Zealand. I am seeing reduced temperature at my farm near George – it’s early June and we have yet to break 90 degrees. Lots more rain, which happens when there are more cosmic rays due to reduced solar activity – who woulda thunk?

    Numerous NASA and other papers indicate that we are very possibly heading into another grand solar minimum – and we are at that point where the interglacial period we have been living in is also due to flip.

    The world isn’t going to end – this has happened many times before – humans will be fine. But it is very much looking like we will be seeing crops fail due to cold and more clouds and rain (already happened in several countries). With food trsnshipped all over the world, some hitches are bound to appear in this global giddyup if the crops are late or ruined.

    The sun supplies the energy for all life on Earth – so if it waxes and wanes, then so does climate. It just happens in cycles within cycles that lie outside of everyday human awareness.

    Stick with hating DJT – you are much better at that and it’s likely cathartic. Kind of like me putting targets of Shrillary out to sight my scope in…

  10. Jon,

    You really need to read up on that article about the 97% agreement on global warming, it was a shame. They played all kinds of tricks with the data. They cherry-picked which articles to review, and then were very creative in how they considered that a published article “agreed” with the AGW thesis. (btw, I am a professional social science researcher so I know how to work with numbers)

  11. …Still waiting to visit my ancestral farm — a working farm 35 generations ago, but now under 2880 feet of ice.

    I’ve been trying to figure out what substance or substances metamorphose into carbon, and how… totally escapes me. I guess I’ll never be as smart as people who buy into such religious catchphrases as “global (warming/cooling/climate change)” “carbon footprint” and “carbon sequestering” whilst at the same time actively campaigning to asphyxiate all Earth’s plant life…

    The two most “greenhousey” gases in our atmosphere, by far, are water vapor and oxygen. PLEASE, all youse worshipers at the Gorical of Al, eliminate these horrible greenhouse gases from your lives before you even think about tackling the trace gases like carbon dioxide…

  12. Thanks for the raccoon stories. I just had a gang claw through a fabric-y greenhouse, and resolved to replace it with a metal screen house. Guess not. For now, it’s wire shelving which I dont thing I could even cut through.

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