In “those exciting days of yesteryear” I used to be on teams in the early 1970’s that would go into the radio station conference room and write either biting sports commentary OR we would write humor for the morning show.

This uniquely qualifies us to lend something of a “lighter note” to the DRUDGEry of  current events.

Not everything about the stock market is “funny” however.  Well, except as a line from the old Colombo TV detective show. “‘Scuse me, but der’s sumptin’ funny about…” and here, we notice that the Fed has restored the easy money and that drought of money (driving the markets down and interest rates up) has – at least for this episode – passed.

The market seems to be attempting an upside breakout, but we can’t be too sure – yet.  Equity Options Day begins a few minutes from now.

Another  reason is the “Holiday Effect.”  Which, as you know, is a few standard deviations more upward in advance of major holidays.

But, this is an “on average” deal.  Sometimes, you will get kicks up before Memorial, or Labor Day, or the Fourth of July.  Even Thanksgiving.  But wait!  Christmas Eve Day plain-old sucked this year, and honestly, who would have ever expected that the MLK Holiday coming Monday would be cause for the Bulls to run wild as though on a mix of coke and ecstasy? Yet, that’s how the markets are behaving.

Around here, we’re skeptical, though perhaps it’s to “train the BTFD crowd”  (Buy the freaking dips.)

Why, on options day last month (Thursday Dec 20 for the Index options), our Aggregate Index was hovering around 20,857.  After the Thursday close,the index was up to 22,307.  Which may not mean much, except that “buy the dippers” MIGHT have bagged a 7-1/2 percent gain (or thereabouts) by going long when things were looking their worst in the Deece options window.

Almost their worst…

The index closed Christmas Eve Day a little over 19,841 – so we’ve seen (through yesterday) a 12.41 percent gain since Santa was killing bulls for sport.  No telling how much harder the reindeer put out…

I have NOT been one of the winners.  In fact, I managed to drop a fair bit of my own account value in this window because I have not been a BTFD believer.  That’s because, in order to keep on the bullish side, I’d have to believe:

  • Things with China will somehow work out.  I don’t think they will since China is pumping massive amounts of money a) into its military, b) telling anyone (even without a hearing aid) they’re coming for Taiwan and c) they want a “fair: trade deal with America.  That along gets into grape Kool-Aid country (which assumes you’re old enough to remember Jonestown/)
  • Then I’d have to believe that the Fed isn’t doing what I hold they are:  Pumping out so much money that even though we are in a Second Depression right now, you won’t notice that your standard of living has been flushed down the crapperoo.  Jobs are plentiful and you need three or four of them.  Oh, sure, there was some tax relief…but the cap on deductions for taxes and mortgage ($10,000) will bit a lot of people back.  In other words?  There’s no free lunch.
  • Next, I’d have to believe that there is some really “hot new tech” on the horizon that will be “gotta have it” since there’s already a slow-motion awakening in America that everyone on earth who needs a cell phone not only has the phone, but enough stupid-ass apps to keep them from being even close to waking-state consciousness.  Trust you caught Foxconn cuts 50,000 contract jobs in China: Nikkei?
  • But capping that all off, well, along with the YUGE questions about what those delayed (forever?) government reports might have revealed, is the utter insanity of?

The Don and Nancy Show

In order to keep the comedic perspective, you need to have a repertoire of “Ure family fire house sayings.”  These have been piling up since the Fox side of the family was driving horse-drawn fire apparatus down from the hilltops of Seattle in the 1800’s.  Fire stations were hilltop outposts because the horses could pull more water in a pumper unit downhill than up.

But I digress.

One of the key human relations lessons is?

Never get in a pissing match with a skunk.

Fire fighters know this.  Maybe construction workers and developers don’t.

Seems to us that Donald Trump completely missed that one, growing up.

But, as soon as Nancy P told The Donald that his SOU (state of the onion) was in jeopardy because of “security concerns” Trump should have gone twit-mad and called bullshit on her and used it as yet another example of how Congress is Holding the Country Hostage.

He blew it.  Eyes apparently landing on the skunk, herself.

He decides to “kick the skunk.”  The Kick was grounding a US military jet that was about to haul princess Pelosi to Afghanistan and Brussels.

Which left us head-scratching.  WTF can Nancy contribute to US operations in Afghanistan – other than get in the way of SEAL Team 5 or whoever’s on point right now.  (Nancy wouldn’t make it an hour into Hell Week, so WTF? With her view on guns?  I don’t get it!)

Isn’t the president supposed to be negotiating foreign policy?  Her trip – especially the Brussels part, raises our hackles more than a bit.

You see, Brussels is where the Ure-a-pee’in Union lives and WTF is Nancy going there for while America shut down?   It doesn’t make sense, I tell yah, unless its part of yet-another lefty plot.  She has more important things to do here, as we see it.  What about her impeaching hype?

Speaking of which, we have to mention the new cover of The Atlantic which is selling Impeach Donald Trump hard.  I told you before – we monetize everything – including the word Impeach.  bet me it doesn’t sell ad space?  You’re supposed to have learned that in our Shock-Jock/Shock-Talk 203 class…

Amusingly, the Atlantic piece shows up in the “Ideas” section of the mag – but it’s nothing new, this impeach stuff, and the further left you move politically, the OLDER this story is.  Clearly, there’s this thing called process the left/marketers and monetizers seem overlooked.  Because just a stark cover with the word IMPEACH on the cover smacks (to us) of just-another monetization.

But, don’t tell Nancy – let her wait in the lines at the airport.  Maybe she will figure something out there.

While Nancy and the Jets plays out, we can see something akin to the “shot clock” in basket ball, or the “two minute” rules of football have kicked-in.

The democrats know if they “go too early” they will lose the impeachment hysteria before 2020.  The election isn’t that far away, but they have to run the clock just so.

Already, the clock has closed in on Beto O’Rourke who is being marginalized as “the babbling Beto.”  He’s been found out a little early.  Like Elizabeth Warren, lol.  Say, since the Ure’s arrived in ‘Mercia in 1840, does that make me a native American?  Isn’t that the logic?

All of this would be hilarious – but as I mentioned in the column Thursday, with Don the Pilot and Nancy the Co Pilot, this is looking like an AIG (aircraft impacting ground) also called Flight into Known Terrain waiting to happen..

Another laugh-line is Alexandria Half-Octave Cortez running off to Sundance while America’s what?  Oh, yeah:  shut down.  But, as always, the left is running on “We know best” which is as much a crock coming from the left as when it comes from the right.

The right, meantime, is MIA – unable to put any points on the board.  All while the politics of divisiveness hangs like a bad smog over America..

Oh yeah, and if the democrats can’t get Trump on Russia?  Would you believe Germany? Trump-Deutsche Bank links in sights of U.S. House investigators.

Seriously, at this rate, I don’t know why Mueller and the Clinton camp inside the FBI didn’t just send a proctologist to the Oval. They’re trying to bend over Trump and this is taking far longer than necessary.  Let’s skip tot he cavity search, shall we?  Screw process and the laws.

OK, I give up.  I was going to attempt to write a humorous and uplifting column today, what that bird ain’t hunting.

Maybe the best I can say is the futures are showing another day of bestiality is ahead as the bulls continue to “have their way” with the bears.

We not only have a shortage of data, a shortage of leadership, a shortage of political courage, but we’ve descended into a place where no one seems to understand our Nation’s future really matters.

That is, if we have one.

Corroborating Everidence

Tesla cutting over 3,000 workers in cost-saving move.

And if you doubt how fox-uniformed people are, try on this gem: Woman pretended to be autistic as part of plan for sexual gratification, police say.

OK: So, What Really Matters?

Chief Nostracodeus programmer Grady asked a keen question t’other day: ” Are we being set up for some kind of alien disclosure this year – based on the new TV show line ups?”

Hmmm…I have been skeptical, but then the ease with which our own resea4rch has been digging into Muscovium (element 115) and Livermorium (element 116) the more credible it befins to seem.

And then this pops up today: Are UFO’s real? Go inside Project Blue Book, the government’s top-secret project about aliens/

Statistics don’t lie.    We may not understand the thousands of reports, but the numbers are undeniable.

Our take is that that the reason such things have not been more readily tracked down is that they are like “inter dimensional” in addition to be anti-gravity units.

To my way of thinking, that would be awesome – to actually crack that kind of technology.  But would it help?

It’d be like handing an AK-47 to a cage full of apes at the zoo.  I can almost hear the aliens laughing on the way out…

We;ll be back in another 2,000 years to see if anyone survives…”

And maybe – just possibly – the jokes on us, after all.

Moron the ‘morrow.

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