In the first mowing tale – and I have seen this first-hand – the workman comes out, starts the lawnmower and then carefully mows the yard. Forth and back, but stopping and reversing course frequently in order to ensure he hasn’t missed a spot. The basic mowing takes him two hours.
As the tale unfolds, the scene looks eerily familiar. He goes around the yard edges with a weed whacker. A few places were a bit tall, the grass thick. So he follows up with a raking to make sure the yard is STRAC and could pass inspection. 25 minutes, but the yard looks good. Well, except for…
He moves on to the eyesore. Tackling the small patches of hedge, he does it as he learned. A short two-step ladder is all he needs. Or is it? Then he unwinds a 100-foot extension cord and begins his plant-barbering task.
When complete, the rake is out, once again. Neat piles are collected and lifted into lawn and yard sacks. Aha, but there’s the 100-foot extension, which must first be dried off with a rag before being more properly coiled. All-in, it’s a 40-minute task. His wife had moved the two-step ladder.
Then he sees a few weeds are peeking out from the beauty bark. So the next 15 minutes goes to the weeds.
The Management Consultant shows up to review his work. “Yes, yes, looks good. But, let’s add up your time. Two hours mowing, 25 minutes weed whacking and raking. Forty minutes on the hedge work. And fifteen on the beauty bark.”
Our workman nods – knowing it was hot and he’d given it his all.
“We will call it three hours and twenty minutes,” the consultant finally announced.
“A terrible performance. You need to read this.”
At that, the consultant handed him a simple pamphlet. He read its cover:
“Ure’s Yard Cuts”
Chapter One: The ORDER OF WORK Matters
Always trim and edge before mowing.
The reason for this rule is simple: A high-powered rotary lawnmower is – at its heart – a mulching machine.
A savvy tree farmer doesn’t waste effort. He performs work in an order that eliminates work when possible.
If you trim and edge first? The lawnmower mulches and disposes, saving money on plastic bags.
In our example task list, the work order for top efficiency becomes:
- Run a brush hog around trees and beds that are big enough.
- Trim hedges with proper tools.
- Edge before mowing.
- Mow using “Special Tricks”.
- (If guests are expected) Blow off the walkways and patios.
Chapter Two: Big Tools Save Big Time
Time to brush hog around trees (our “beds”). Seven minutes.
(I know “Not fair! You have a diesel tractor!” Yeah, your point? I have the cute blonde and outlandish shop, too. Choices bring consequences, Sport. Ever read “I bargained with Life for a Penny?” Go read it.)
Hedges are Fast Too!
From this:
To this:
Buy the Right Tools
Look at your yard honestly. What would the perfect tool be?
- Hedge trimmer must be battery powered. I hate cord-cleaning.
- Must have a flex head on it – I can top a 12-foot-high ficus without a ladder or overextending.
- Use the tip of the hedge trimmer as a hook to pull your trimmings out to where your mower pass will chew up the cuttings into mulch. Like so:
Chapter Three: Start Times Govern
Let’s apply some science to the Yard tasks.
The overwhelming governor is lawn moisture. You want to cut grass when most of the dew has burned off. If you mow too early, especially if grass is long, it will “clump up” leaving an unprofessional looking result.
On the other hand, if you wait too long, all the moisture will be gone. In which case, because you run the mower at high speed (faster blades=more lift and longer discharge field) dry ground will kick up more dust. That can get cars dirty and you will get more dust onto the patios and decks.
Think of it this way: You know how LOOB talks about pasta having a perfect al dente state? Well, your lawn – when mowing – has the same thing. Almost dried of dew but not so dry that it cracks or throws dust. Your mower is a scaled-up Norelco triple-header, right?
Mower Start-Time Calculations Table
For a yard our size, starting to mow at the 90% RH level works about perfect. Low dust, good discharge throw, minimal clumping. Your yard will vary.
Advanced students can sign up for the optional high-lift versus medium-lift blade correction symposium.
Chapter Four: Three for the “Mowed”
First point: Use “discharge awareness”. Decide in advance:
- Do you want to blow clippings toward or away from your neighbor’s yard when you share a property line? Are they dicks, and do they blow theirs your way? If so, learn their schedule and mow right afterward to send it back. (MJR = Mower Justice Riders!)
- Do you want to blow into or away from a fence line? The into fence line works here – when burning fence lines it gives more even fire. And slower weed growth from the power mulching. Do you mow toward or away from your home? I do two passes discharging away from the house and by then, the discharge cone is low enough not to break things. (Recent glass storm door breakage was a fluke.)
- And what is your “trim plan?” I like to make all my “cut-ins” so that I can mow 95 percent of the yard without going into reverse. Sure, you can stop, reverse, and so forth. But that takes time and if you preplan your route 90 percent of your mowing time can be full tilt forward and get ‘er done.
Finally, use the under-deck washer attachment if your mower has one. When using it, position the mower over a big concrete block or you will blast a deep hole into the earth and make a muddy mess rather than a well-executed finish to the job.
Final Chapter: Time is Beer
Total Ure sequence: perhaps 95-112 minutes, with no bagging, no cord drying, and no second cleanup pass. In year 78 on the rock-ride, make every minute count twice.
On that? I have “mow to do” so that maybe the ham radio Hermes Lite 2.0 build will make it onto the schedule next week.
Working on the Future?
Yeah – us, too. See the latest on my AI dev site: Meet the Grim Reaper — and His Brother – Hidden Guild.dev. More bubbles than a bath tub.
One final item for you: Elaine’s Selectric II has made it back to Texas. Just not here. In fact, it’s in Coppell Texas as a USPS Center which in the past has had more in common with the Bermuda Triangle than a postal facility. But, tomorrow is Sunday. And so, we pray.
Write when the beer’s cold (but only if there’s some left)
George@Ure.net
What kind of beer do you like?
Heineken.
Heineken? F*ck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LGO4ZS7Cphw
My brand is LOTSA – lotsa lotsa beer…maybe you’ve heard of it?
I like pabst but.. miller is the best..I especially loved their old commercuals..the two I really loved was the one where a guys standing at the bar sipping a cold miller through a straw his arms both immobilized in cast..looks over to his buddy and simply says..I gotta go…Miller might lol lol
the other one was two guys sitting on chairs outside watching a game..when two beautiful young ladies come out hand them a cold mi!let’s then start massaging their shoulders…in your dreams miller light…
“What kind of beer do you like?”
Root.
I hate Heinie. Too bitter. Back in my beer-drinking youth in the upper Great Lakes region, if I wanted a snobbish import beer it was Lowenbrau. Can’t get it anymore. That’s OK. I rarely drink beer anymore… except root.
Like a German native once asked me what the best beer in the world is? I said I don’t know what is the best beer in the world? He said free beer.
“(If guests are expected) Blow off the walkways and patios.”
As a final step in mowing, I just drive the riding mower over the sidewalk and driveway, and it sweeps the grass clippings back into the yard. Saves a minute or two.
Have you looked at zero turn mowers? Way easlier in tight spaces and no having to use reverse.
Late last winter since we have mostly exited the cattle business and have outsourced the hay operation on shares for our remaining small herd I had to say good bye to Big Green. It was fun to have around and an absolute party everytime he went out to work. The time spent afterwards washing, scrubbing and waxing was not on my list of most favorite things though. I kept the little Kubota for whatever tractor mowing and general tractor stuff though. I went into the JD dealership to sign off the lease paperwork and stopped to drool, ER look at the diesel Z track mower somebody had parked right inside the door into the showroom. How convenient. After finishing up with the boys in the shop and closing out the lease paperwork I “started” to leave when some cowboy in a beat up Stetson and a wrangler shirt that had so much starch it must be bullet proof says to me, “Hey Jim, what do you think of that Z track mower you were looking at?” 50 grand to start no way in hell. I only need to mow 5 acres around the house now and besides Diana would kill me. “I’ve got some off lease rigs over here we can look at, and these smaller Ztracks are just what you need.” Well, Crap! Before I knew it, they were loading up a nice 54″ zero turn. As we pulled up into the Ranch Diana was standing by the front patio with the dogs beside her, arms crossed shooting knives and spears towards me. The kid driving the truck asks me if the dogs bite. I told him you’re OK, I’m the one that needs to watch out. Through her glare she tells me Leon called and said next time we are by there to stop by and he would take us to lunch. Great, spend a bunch of money and get thrown under the bus.
Moral of this story is to take my Lady In Red with me whenever I go to farm equipment dealers. Looks like she will be getting that new car sooner than expected.
Stay safe. 73
A fav client, farm guy who wore blue white overalls every day of life was always buying / selling equipment. Fella had hands the size of a baseball mitt. One kitchen table chat I gave guff over the size of his filing cabinet wallet. What the heck? Sez him, I never go anywhere without $8 grand plus. Ya never know what I might want to buy!
Farm wife was a doll. Earthy hobbit sized woman full of spit and vinegar. I loved working with her. Everything was recorded 8n a little notebook, by the year. She knew everything we did and I had where we were.
Sitting at their table Le it comes up how much cash cash they had. It was a lot, think (6) figures plus. I gave her/ them guff since our returns were scrutinized while they had gobs making -0- so began a saga of how to *repatriate* money, cash, into the system.
long story to be continued, E
“Look at your yard honestly. What would the perfect tool be?”
For me now the answer to this question is a “Handy Man” and a cold beer. Love watching people work!
Now off to replace the tractor’s transmission fluid and then maybe bush hog the pasture. Kids had to remove the oil filters on the tractor yesterday. Rocking the entire tractor trying to loosen the filters! What happened to tighten a 1/4 or 1/2 a turn? Skinned the hell outa my arm on the ruff pole barn concrete. Son told me about it. Didn’t feel a thing. Little peroxide and good as new. Getting too old to crawl under tractors!
Cheers
YoTex,
You be talking Rural..like a tale of 2 rural mowing’s, aka “rednecking it”. Out here in outer ring counties around Philly metro area, Ure yard says everything about You/Family and your current working/financial status.
Farther out from city you get – the more lawn services you see in action everyday(primarily Mexicans). I be retired – so I got no excuses, besides “nothing runs like a deer” and sitting on the ZT buzzing the lawn is great mental escape time that allows for Problem Solving time…whether I be trying Fix a problem or Create a problem..for someone else (s).
So hear is alternative Mowing Plan. Also please keep in mind that Weed Wacking Machine Tool drives the Jack Russels absolutely bonkers, they just have to hear it inside the house. Not even gonna get into the batt. pack Blower effect on the psychotic little ankle biters. No, they dont do well with flushing toilets either..
The Mohawk Cut – when pressed for Time, no Bush Whacking, thats a day after task. Review results of cut and WW accordingly.
Some weeks WW is skipped altogether. Mohawk cut consists of cutting & weed whacking Front Yard, street facing and than zipping thru the 2 sides and large back 40 with fenced-in yard(“back 40” = 1 acre). Mohawk – All business in front, party in the back.
* Since adding/putting Waterfall feature in – winding stream – water fall feature in back fenced in area – at least 10 fold increase in Wildlife in back yard this year. Why we even got a big ole Whistle Pig(GroundHog) just moved in under garden shed, he’s gotta share under there with all the horny fucking Rabbits, did I mention HORNEY and FUCKING ? Steady Loob…easy does it ole fella lets not get too excited.
Seems like thats all they do besides eating the Clovers, and dumping their little Fumettes inside fenced yard, for the Russels to snack on.
Must taste pretty good those Fumettes, as even the Grand Dog Corgi gobbles em up when visiting..yes they roll in em too, its a predator/scent thing.
Shooting Ground Hogs, due their holes can be hazardous to large farm Animals (Moosies), is a time honored tradition amongst the rural kids. When you see one outside its burrow nibbling on the grasses, you whistle loud, ground hog stands up on hind legs presenting you with a clean headshot(Can U Canoe?).
Leave the carcass out for the worms and buzzards, its a Gift for them.
Or take the Phoenix Arizona approach to Yard Work.
All cactus except for some Astro Turf in the back yard to give it that “Natural Look” … with some barrels on canisters that you put your flowers into. (so you can move them to vacume underneath after the occaisional sand storm blows in)
Water the barrels, 5 minute job, and you are DONE!! Time for that Ice Cold Lemonade as you congratulate yourself on the great job you did with your yard work.
Friend of Dad’s snowbirded to Phoenix yearly. Would bring raisons he processed from California grapes. They had a trailer there.
I knew someone who lived in a row house. first he cemented the small patch of grass in the front yard and put a planter out there with fake flowers. then he slowly cemented over his sloping yard. He created terraces of cement and steps of cement all the way past his garage in the easement. in the middle of the yard he left a 4 foot square of uncemmented yard and right in the middle of that square was a little non discript tree. it was the weirdest yard I ever saw. I wonder how he prevented the rain run off from flooding his yard as it was quite a climb up the steps to his garage.
(“Elaine’s Selectric II has made it back to Texas. Just not here. In fact, it’s in Coppell Texas as a USPS Center which in the past has had more in common with the Bermuda Triangle “)
lol lol lol…I would get excited every time my pitcher coaster got to our sorting center..then like a pinball machine where they would bounce the package up to a different city and state.
if you need a pitcher coaster I suggest…the Zon…or make sure you have it sent by fed ex or ups..
I will tell you about my vegetable and fruit basket…during the first year of the television show Naked and Afraid.dual survival etc. I was still laid up and was collecting autographs as a hobby….. having taken care of ..the parents of celebrities, celebrities themselves and owners of major league teams parents.. I had a little better luck getting an autograph..anyway I was visiting with 5 of the people involved and they sent a beautiful autographed photo for my collection.. so..I decided to send a thank you package to them in LA califotnia..lol lol I sent it same day mail as perishables packed with ice bags and foam container..it made it to their post office … they went to pick it up…the postal clerks wouldn’t let them have it..in there were some tiny watermelons..some mouse melons for salads..green beans radishes and some really nice Roma tomatoes…the contestant tried every day..I was on the phone daily with the postmaster he swore that he would hand that package over to them personally.. they tried for six months then the recipient had to go out for a movie shoot in a remote area..( the contestant also worked in the movie industry and is in a lot of the movies we like..) after a year those fresh vegetables are pretty nasty..those softball size watermelons and Roma tomatoes were exceptionally ripe..the postmaster that I must have talked to a hundred times..called me asking what should he do with it..I said see if you would have just given to them when they asked for it you wouldn’t have this issue..but don’t worry.. I’m going to send them a few frozen Rib Eyes to show how sorry I am..lol lol lol..I tried sending my fresh Koji marinade and was told I cant send fresh vegetables or food items nope you can’t send that or batteries..lol lol..
You know that’s one thing I really screwed up in the the news business – never got a single autograph except in a few books and wheren the Big D parted the partnership, more than 400 signed booked (and over 1,000 in total) went down the road. Wouldn’t fit on a boat. Thing is, I didn’t know authgraph hunting was a thing anymore – is there (cue vanna) big money, big money, in it?
For some autograghs there sure are.
Hemmingway 1st edition autographed by the old man himself … THOUSANDS!!
Good friend chases after some specific author’s autographed books, I think his cut off is around $2500 … except when it comes to Hemmingway. He WILL go MUCH higher for specific Hemmingway books.
He tries to find “undiscovered” autographed books in used book stores and has made some spectacular finds over the years, paying only “Used Book” prizes. His home library is a wonderful collection of great books (NOT the Book Club editions), he has between 7,000 to 10,000 books in that library.
Recently he had one current book he wanted for his personal collection printed in India on good cloth linen paper, gold leaf edges with a custom leather binding, after getting approval from the author to do that. Several hundred dollars for the special printing job ($1200?). The Author said he would autograph it when they catch up together sometime in the future.
Coppell handles packages coming out of DFW. And yeah, there are strange things that happen there. One bad digit on the zip code data tag, and you are off on the grand tour. But I have had that happen with UPS as well. One box of Christmas cookies circled the US for weeks with UPS, until when it arrived, there was no cookie remnant bigger than the end of my thumb. They were still delicious.
I had let spring tractor maintenance slide too long. Yesterday was tractor maintenance day. Got the big stuff done, just in time for a two week or more 100F+ run starting early this week. Maybe one more mowing session left this summer, then the yard grass goes dormant. The deep rooted pasture grass will continue to grow for a while.
Continuing my clean-up. My house is approaching an out-of-town work rental level of minimalism, while the garage is approaching the U-Haul rental unit level of boxes and containers. I can still get the car in (he thinks).
Next week I rent a pallet jack to do some garage reorganization.
Ure’s 2-bit prescription: Light bar on tractor asnd a predaswn alarm – thermos hold for coffee on the tractor – PRN
My front yard is five acres and back yard is six acres. 3/4 acre pond. Lots of old growth pine trees hence the two zero turn mowers. What really helps is Craftsman cordless tools. My Kawasaki mule has a 4500 watt generator in the bed for running AC powered tools. I spend at least two days a week mowing, garden, etc.
The vineyard is two 120 foot rows of 30 year old Cynthiana’s. We make around 30-40 gallon of wine a year. That is a day a week.
A day a week maintaining equipment, 3 trucks, tractor, mowers, tillers, and the Wife. A day a week on the house, two shops, barn, wellhouse maintenance.
Sunday is the Sabbath.
I’m 67 and Wife is 70. Kids live 7 hours away. This year is the first time we have tapered off. The triple digit heat indexes every day have not helped.
Always knew this time in life would come.
PONA you re a man of impeckerble taste. I was thinking about a whole column on how Craftsman seems to have become a “come-back” brand around our shop – and the V20 everything works damn well. I’ll let you know how the ArcCaptain 1/2″ impact set works – it has stronger specs than even the v20 wrig..
Jester, and other ‘head in the clouds/stars’ lol, Penny Thornton, Astrologer, 22:30, discusses ‘peaks’ of 2000-2001 dot com boom/bust, 2007-8 boom/bust, and another ‘peak’ is upon us, that Jupiter Pluto thing…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgtO1oP2xr0
Elliot Wave Int’l, Stock Mkt new highs, but global economy quietly falling apart:
https://youtube.com/shorts/vJpEwfsixP0?si=gLy1jy1cBaQZZONu
My ‘yard’ is always too wet to mow. Do wish i had one of those cool bottom scrubbers though. They drive with a gamer kind of deck and have a screen to check your work. Keel Crab I think they are called.
The dirt box has a landlord who comes every two weeks and does a great job. I always am happy to hang with his his beautiful Kelpie dog while he does the honors.
Having had a large park like garden with lots of fruit trees and lawn that required so much work, I can definitely say that the space around the hull is preferable and happy to just let it be wet.
Definitely winter here. That bit is less welcome.
Stiks