ShopTalk Sunday: Projects at the Ranch

by

Sometimes I tell people how busy we are around here.  They tell me “Ure full of it…”

But remember: most people we know live in the city.  Where you can get:

  • A maid service
  • Laundry pick-up and drop-off
  • Gardeners and landscapers
  • Food delivered
  • Mechanics are everywhere
  • People to do your nails and (wipe your….)
  • …etc…etc…

The reality of being “out in the woods” is that if you want something, you do it yourself, or it doesn’t happen.  There’s none of the big city “shit rolls down hill.”  We’re at the bottom of the hill.

With Rural Living 101 complete, and remembering I’m 76 and Elaine is 82, come with me on a quick tour of the property.  So you can see our ginormous exercise machine.  Our home.

One Comfort Project 

I have a larger than needed curved screen monitor on the office computer.  Depending on the effectiveness of the paranoia meds, I will either have the wireless camera network scanning (the news does talk about Russia and North Korean troops all the time, right?) OR I will have my trading platform up in the event stupidity overcomes me.  Or, I want to scalp a few hamburgers.  Point is, this one will leave today and a 28″ flat screen with a way smaller base that doesn’t hangout all over the place will be installed.  Project time?  5 minutes?  Beer padding? A little early…

Work Consists of Breaking Machinery

And this is greatly facilitated by the rooting feral hogs.  They must be attuned to my snorting, haven’t gotten one in my sights, yet.  However, I did get the front yard scalped back (trimmer?) a little:

Park-like, right?  Well, until your get to Rooterville.

Of course, there’s no worry about running the mower through this mess (blade set on high) until your blade stops, the belt squeals.  And if you’re within half a mile you can hear something yelling “f*cker of pigs! Piece of shit!!!” Then the real  swearing begins…

Looking up, it’s Saturday, and the freeway in front of the house is empty.

So the tractor – now toothless – goes to the Tractor Gallows where a “come-along” is always at the ready because if it’s not an errant piece of rope? (God knows what pigs were doing with rope…), the upper arm exercise begins.  Three sets of 10 reps to get the riding tractor airborne, and a deep squat (between additional swear words) to find this:

As any good shade tree mechanic can see, there’s something wound around the top of the center blade.  It’s a 15-minute fix from here.  Haul out compressor hose, get the impact wrench.  Take off blade.  Undo the mess and dispose of it.  Reassemble blade.  Fasten a bit. Put away tools.  Retract the air hose (I have done this often enough that a power retractor air hose is the only way to fly.)

Then it was off to mow the gun range and see what else I can break.  Ah, a fine job it was…

As I was wrapping up, though, the power steering got wonky. Jerky.  By the time I was back in the shop, the bucket was getting sluggish. Steering jerky…  I knew this would be a hydraulic leak.  So clean up here:

Pour in a gallon of tractor juice and look down on the hydraulic filter (which is impossible to see, but it’s down in here somewhere…

Adding insult to injury, as I extricated myself from the tractorport, here’s Elaine’s freeloading pals discussing my form and technique.  I expect they were also sorting out some of the newer combinations of four letter words that were flowing like Niagra.

Photographic memories (as you may appreciate) do kinda/sorta run in the family.  Well, not pure photographic, like the dude in Suits, but semieidetic – which is good enough to be able to master most things in life in a half-hour, or less.  *(Crosswind landings in a small plane above 25 knots took a little longer. Though done without paint loss.)

Point is there was a nagging.  “Why didn’t you look more closely at the solar panels? I think they looked dirty!”  “Would you pleeze STFU in there?“ I said to the wide open spaces between my ears.

“See…told you so….”

OK, back into the office to see how the solar was doing this month…

Those red bars on the bottom are kilowatts sold back into the grid.  About 10 kW sell-back on the good days. Which sounds really sweet until you remember each one of them used to fetch 10.6 cents and now they only command 5.3 cents.  Seems power companies are afflicted by the same disease that impacts maybe half of all marriages:  Sweet until it isn’t. You know the drill.  Terms change on you.  No resources, appeals, or arguments. (Bet the house I lost was bigger than…oh, forget it….)

But – back on Stupid Joe’s “no BBQ future” – this means even with the customer charge (“Oh, please, set up an account for me and charge me every month for the rest of my freaking life because NOTHING has changed on our account for 23- years…BUT i’M A GOOD-NATURED SUCKER” – who can’t say the rest because it’s Sunday) We ought to come in around $140 for a power bill for the month.

Seriously charge a customer charge IF THERE ARE CHANGES – but I have paid nigh-on to $5200 over 23 years with not even a phone number change!  We have bigger problems that tariffs!

This left me pondering the next real project – when I can get through a whole weekend without breaking shit like big power equipment.

You remember last year’s deck project?  Still looks good…

So the 180-degree view room we built out of 100 percent recycled materials (including both of us, come to think of it) will start from this.  Look closely, because this is the BEFORE picture.

 

What else needs doing today?  Mean besides fixing the lean-to greenhouse roof that the raccoons managed to jailbreak and even somehow get on the roof without the downspouts?

Raccoons may have mastered levitation and be smarter than us.  But we’re not firing potshots at them around the big propane tank, even with glasses on.  They’ve been trying to goad me into a shot – hoping I will wing the propane, which would then blow, resulting in Roast Human.  Which they will split with the feral hogs.  I’m onto ’em…

Oh…here’s a project in the back of the truck…

A new BBQ to Assemble.

Next week for “Show and Tell:” I will explain how the bottom of a “stainless steel BBQ” rusted out.  Yessir, miracle of modern marketing, I tell yah.

Can you imagine the market for two-season crap if Amazon or Wally World could figure out how to put assembly into Prime or WallyPlus?  Love to see the post office deal with that.

Later today, my neighbor’s new StarLink came in so I will give him few pointers on how to set it up.  Which will basically consist of me – pointing at the sky – and saying “Up there, somewhere to the north and the system will do everything else.”

But, at least I shouldn’t be able to break too much more around here..most of it’s down for repairs already.  Besides the fellow with the StarLink is the dad of the crackerjack mechanic who will become a paid hydraulic leak explorer this week.

All that plus writing columns? Sound like a PITA?  Naw, maybe you ain’t ready for real life.  Go have someone make you a coffee, why d’t you?  Then liz-out with a book today, huh, slick?

Write when you get rich,

George@Ure.net

32 thoughts on “ShopTalk Sunday: Projects at the Ranch”

  1. A 100 lb hog will slide under that pretty wood rail fence on a dead run. Witnessed it happen on a neighbor’s gate that had too much gap under it. The hogs were moving too fast for the neighbor to get off a single shot. Hogs run fast when they are scared, and they make evasive turns in tight quarters.

    A wealthy neighbor had a pretty painted drill pipe fence down an entire side of his property with a 18″ gap under the bottom rail (and was largely unfenced on the other side of the property), then wagged his finger and ran his mouth blaming neighbors for his hog infestation. And yes, sizeable feral hog herds will go strolling down public roads in the middle of the night, looking for new places to root in mass. I have witnessed it. Ure front fence and gate are access points for invaders, not just side and back fences.

    One strand of barb wire strung tight 4″ off the ground will deny access through a rail fence for all but the most determined piggies who can climb. Putting hog wire over the outside will also work, unless it is being continuously assaulted and torn by a giant herd.

    After you secure Ure fence line, you only have to watch out for the one pig that is good at finding ways in. I had one for a while. I named him Caesar the pig. After a big rain, I was able to track his movements where he was scouting every gap in my defenses (or is that defences). He initially got in by climbing through an upper rail on a side gate less than 50′ from the road in front. Most pigs won’t try that. I followed his trail, and secured breach points all along more than 1000′ of fence with his assistance. Good pig. In order to figure out where your pigs are accessing, you need to slog through the mud along the perimeter of your property after a big rain. Hogs will tend to use the same access point over and over, until you forcibly deny access.

    • “Three sets of 10 reps to get the riding tractor airborne, and a deep squat (between additional swear words) to find this:”

      I just hook a chain from my tractor bucket to the front of the mower and pick it up so I can see what I’m doing. Unless you’re mowing with a belly mower on your Kubota, then I wouldn’t expect it to pick itself up…

      • George, on the Kubota, put the front bucket down and then lift the front of the tractor high enough to get to the belly mower.

        Remember to put safety jacks under the frame to hold it in case the bucket hydraulics let go.

        I have a drive over belly deck but this is faster and this 80-yo YL does it this way.

        And yes, this is a fun ride up if you have to be in he seat for the bucket to work.

        Safety at work, my friend.

        73

  2. Thanks for the tour. This paragraph just made my day. Love it.

    “Raccoons may have mastered levitation and be smarter than us. But we’re not firing potshots at them around the big propane tank, even with glasses on. They’ve been trying to goad me into a shot – hoping I will wing the propane, which would then blow, resulting in Roast Human. Which they will split with the feral hogs. I’m onto ’em…”

  3. Dude G,

    Seems both feral issues at Uretopia Ranch could be solved with use of leftovers. Talking mrna covid injections – feed/bait that scheisse for the puddy cats and piggy’s. Then sit back and wait like a “wefER”.

    Let the 3 P’s do all the WORK.

    Covid injections will cause PHOSPHORLATION.
    Prions
    Positive for prion seeding =fibrous clots frm covid injections

    Link to source materials – read PROOF that this “selfish prick” was correct and just trying to HELP others. As usual leftitards tried smacking me in face for good deeds – Tried..bwahahahahahahah

    satans’ always been insane LOSER, frm day 1 .

    Read em…and maybe pick something up along the way -https://expose-news.com/2025/04/03/fibrous-rubbery-clots-caused-by-covid-injections/?

    Write when Youse all get Ure 4 booster shotz – thats booster with a B, not Keister with a K, mark.

    • re: Booster Shots
      feat: Nymphaea Caerulea

      BCN,
      Things are looking up for the 0.1%. Over at the Texas Corn Ranch, Mr. Bezos bought a ticket for his fiancee to accompany five other Amazons on the NS-31 suborbital flight roster. Maybe this is the push Katy Perry’s somewhat stalled “143” album needs to reach the stratosphere. “UPI” released a pre-launch report under their ‘Science News’ heading. It contains the following link to Oprah’s “Instagram” send-off in which the “Queen of all Media” bids bon voyage to the crew and the “Queen of Camp”:

      https://www.instagram.com/p/DIbYi2BJE7s

      As an aside, “VN Express” reports that one of the Blue Origin space vehicle crew members will carry 169 lotus seeds. These have been supplied by the Vietnam Academy of Science and Technology.

      • Absolutely the lowest IQ spaceship “crew” in the history of ever, they lent a whole new meaning to the definition of “space…”

        I notice they went up in a phallus, and came down in a breast. Bezos undoubtedly laughed his ass off and got new fantasy relaxation room material at the same time…

  4. Good Sunday all :

    Tractor? OK, maybe the new one would help. Or, it would just break down (under warranty)? I have the mowing tractor and a spare. Bring it on. We kid.

    “… when I can get through a whole weekend without breaking shit like big power equipment …”

    You’re doomed WordSlinger. Cancel all other projects. The qualifier condition does not exist. Shite breaks. The total amateur part for an admitted tool slut is lack of a forklift. I am _so_ lucky to have kept the one from our fam. manufacturing bidness. And the lathe (this is the year I light it up …

    ATL: finally done merging / buying software to load to massage a few legal docs which … go to our attorneys with cov. ltr. to supply anything we neglected or provide alts. (knowing they will nit pick with the meter running to require something. Back to being boaty (OBSCON):

    Earlier I met Padawan and Dad to look over a historic MC race boat which belonged to my Mentor (RIP). Price = FREE. I’m trying to keep it on our lake. It’s missing a mast. I know where there’s a mast (rigged with wire, ready to rumble). So … we be match.making.

    Yesterday I helped my Learner drop (4) trees at the neighbors house. The young fella wielding a Stihl was on the clock / I was leverage and OSHA. All went as well as any tree felling ever goes except, man do I feel old today. Better than the alternative but barely?

    Have a fine Sunday,
    Egor

    ps – Stiks has it right, with a sailing yacht you are free

  5. Mowers have a nack for finding things that you swear were never there in the first place. Spent many hours cursing while cutting hay bail twine from the blade spindles. The girls here think discarding the twine on the ground is where it belongs. Sheesh.
    The all time worst was when I caught the a garden hose under the deck and ripped the riser right out of the ground. No biggie right except it was the only riser that didn’t have a isolated shutoff from the well so had to shut off the entire water system to start the repair. Life altering when you don’t have water for 24 hours. Worst part was I didn’t have 1″1/4 parts needed and it was just past sunset on a Sunday. Nearest China warehouse box store was an hour away back then. Long night facilitated 100% by operator error.

  6. re: Rev. 14/2/21
    feat: boar wars & greens

    Folks,
    “Urbansurvival” continues to divine black cat matrix moments. George fearlessly tackles divots at the ranch incurred by swine while Augusta golfers wield clubs upon #12 Golden Bell green at Day 4 of The Masters.

    The “CBC” published a somewhat off the beaten path “As It Happens” episode this week. A retired UK academic, Professor Alisdair Spark, is researching the last scene of Director Kubrick’s “The Shining”. In it, actor Jack Nicholson was airbrushed over a still picture’s center-focused person, ballroom dancer Santos Casani. Tomorrow would be Mr. Casani’s birthday. Here is a link to the “CBC” report:

    https://www.cbc.ca/1.7507349

    The image was taken at the Empress Ballroom in the Royal Kensington Hotel, a few doors away from Kensington Palace on Valentine’s Day 1921. The original photo now is held by Getty Images. It originated from the Topical Press Agency co-founded in 1903 by a sibling of a Photographer to the Royal Family. The hotel’s gothic architecture would have suited the Addams family to a “tee” had they visited London.

    Professor Spark has previously located Mr. Casani’s service in the RAF during the closing stages of WW1. Currently he is attempting to determine causes of his alleged meteoric rise through British Army ranks in WW2 as well as clarification of ethnic Russian ancestry.

    Around the time the Royal Kensington Hotel was being built in London, Mr. Casani entered the world as John Golman or Goldman in Krugersdorp, South Africa. Krugersdorp was then a new subdivision on the gold-bearing farm of Boer leader Marthinus Pretorius. South Africa’s capital and birthplace of Mr. Elon Musk, Pretoria, is named after him. One imagines that the President of Ukraine may visit the capital during his upcoming publicly promoted trip. As chance would have it, the translation of Zelensky from either its Ukrainian or Russian variants to English is “Green”.

  8. As a lifelong ‘maintenance engineer’ I know that EVERYTHING needs maintenance (spelled: ‘work’) everywhere I look. My frustration is being on the mobility-disabled squad. Bionic body parts due Thursday. Looking forward to recovering the ability to walk normally.

  9. “It’s a 15-minute fix from here. Haul out compressor hose, get the impact wrench. Take off blade. Undo the mess and dispose of it. Reassemble blade. Fasten a bit. Put away tools. Retract the air hose (I have done this often enough that a power retractor air hose is the only way to fly.)”

    So, why the F do you not have a cordless impact tool?

    The blades on my Toro are razor sharp (I sliced a thumb the first time I dewound some cord.) It took just that once to realize my Makita impact and a 6-point socket were the tools for this job, whenever it needed to be done…

    • Ray,
      Yes Yes and Yes to the battery powered impact wrench.
      Finally acquired one from the Bezos box 2 years ago and it has payed for itself 10 times over because I don’t have to call The Guy anymore. It’s enabled me a pretty good shade tree mechanic.

      FUN FACT: While typing this comment I got a earthquake alert on my phone, 2 seconds later just had a good one here. A real thumper and a shacker for about 30 seconds. Not sure the mag but it felt close by. Fun ride. Might explain why I’ve been exhausted this weekend.

      • 5.2 and it was damn’ near right underneath you.

        Are you okay…?

        BTW, I broke down a couple days ago and bought a Makita cut-off tool (that thing that’s not a die grinder and not an angle grinder, but could be their illegitimate progeny.) I finally got tired of toting a car battery and a kilowatt inverter so I could use my (Harbor Fright) Hercules corded cut-off tool…

  10. Rope and rags wrapped around a mower spindle are bad enough, but what’s most common around here are the odd strands of barb wire! Brushhogs have an amazing ability to find them and wrap tightly around both the spindle and the blades. The simplest solution(besides four letter words) is a portable angle grinder and a pair of vise grips, along with safety goggles to protect your eyes from when a loose end whips by.

    I’d be most interested in the hopefully forthcoming story about your hydraulic mechanic finding and fixing the tractor leak. I have one in a Bobcat that’s under the seat packed with 12 hoses and a spool valve. Any of the above could be the source of the major leak and there’s no obvious cut or break in any of the hoses. Just a mess of fluid once you start it up.

    • Gunk it, then wrap each hose in a paper towel (if you can) or dust ’em with baby powder (if you can’t do the paper towels.) Start, and run for a few seconds and look for the trail…

  11. My daughter texted me to call my youngest granddaughter, 11 years old, ASAP to help her with a catastrophe. I did and she was crying her eyes out. I finally got it out of her she had bought a cheap 8X12 chinesuim greenhouse with her own money she had saved. It’s for a 4H project at school and she wanted to make one “just like my Papa has”. She had got it put together but the wind got it and blew it into the barn where it’s all broken up. Nana and Papa loaded up tools and supplies and made the hour and a half drive. After untangling the green plastic and all the different parts then hosing turkey shit off it we went to the leeward side of the barn to reassemble. Happily, none of the 1/2″ pipe was bent too badly, and surprisingly all the little stickers with part numbers were still attached to the pieces. The instructions were nothing more than stick drawings so useless. In the 10 hour process, I taught myself a plethora of Chinese curse words. Thankfully Nana would come down and take granddaughter for a walk when things got too heated. I sent them to town once to pick up some 2×6 lumber for a base frame and we tied the little greenhouse down to that. She was a happy little girl when we loaded up to go and that was when she told me she thought this unit would be more like mine because her project was “hyperponic” fodder for her chickens. Good idea. When schools out you can come down to the ranch and we can put together a little “hyperponic” unit for your greenhouse.
    The world may be going into the crapper but this was just about the best day ever.

    Stay safe. 73

    • When you have a chance, I suggest you color-code every joint in the framework (rattle cans are fast & cheap.) Also, if it’s like the 8×12 I use for herbs, the cover will airmail itself to the next county, whenever a significant storm blows through. When I got tired of tracking it down and reinstalling it, I subbed in a 50% rain-through cover and stitched it on with Kevlar cord.

      • Good ideas. I doubt it will last through the spring though. The frame pipes are not much more than dime store curtain rods with plastic joints but I was surprised by how sturdy the plastic cover is. It was in a large ball that looked something you would wad up and toss when I got there. This is the same granddaughter who cut a patch of bamboo and sold it as plant stakes for $4 each at their little farmers market. I have some leftover hoop parts so she will have a better structure up by the fall. All for the price of 2 escapee turkeys.

  12. My hydroponic unit is nicely growing raspberry plants. I’m so excited!! It proves I wasn’t doing it incorrectly. Out of 18 pods only 3 didn’t sprout.

    My stepfather, an old farmer who could fix any machinery, broke his hip trying to free debris from his large lawn/field mower. You can’t be too cautious as you get older.

    George, I bought the word processing program you suggested and picked up a headset with a microphone. Thanks for your advice.

  13. No solar payback in Arkansas. Just last month I gave Entergy 300 plus kilowatts. In 2024 I exported 5.9 Megawatts. 2.2 Megawatts so far this year. But my electric bills are less that 20.00 per month even in the summer.

    • Ding…ding…ding – flag down on field. Data confirmation check: 2.2 megawatts exported (which we assume means sold?) 104 days into 2025 would require >21 kilowatts per day and assuming night is still dark there 40+ kw of solar… so you are like, oh, you know…um…

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