ShopTalk Sunday: A 20-Year Project – Done!

Back in 2003, when we bought this old place in the woods and moved up here, Elaine and I tired of the previous owners having a lock on every door that was keyed differently.  Although it was a simple double-wide and an open carport big enough for a diesel pusher RV, there were still three keys for three doors. Then four…then five… You know how these things go.

A few years went by and one of the locks failed.  A quick trip to Sutherland’s (at the time they had a store in Palestine, TX), plus a few minutes with a Phillips head, and good as new.

And then the next one failed a year or two on.  We might have had the Lowes open by now – but again, it was a simple fix.

Finally, about 2010, or so, another failed and I was getting sick of the collection of unlabeled keys that were piling up in “the key drawer.”

The project – on the list from about 2006 – is finally done.

Half-Right Solution

A 2010 break was misjudgement, too.  Elaine and I decided to “common key” the entire house.  It was not expensive, but we’re both terrible when it comes to throwing “perfectly good” hardware away.

Still, we bought a 3-lock package and (on my younger sister’s advise) updated to ADA-compatible lever style knobs.

Things were fine -if you didn’t mind the pants sagging from the key collection that had to be carried. Only one key for three house locks, but there were two on the shop, two on the guest room, plus the storage/pantry building…not to mention the generator key, a few padlocks… these things add up. Two or three vehicles, a tractor, the riding mower…

Finally, I got to?

The Right Fix

As you can see there on the right, a simple, squarish, and frankly much more sturdy lock now graces the shop door.

Total time to install?  Maybe 7-minutes. Depends on how we score putting tools away. (Is that part of “job time” or is that a “separate activity?”)

One of the most interesting changes in hardware over my lifetime has been the packaging revolution in tools and hardware.

When I started this game of door handle roulette, locks came in a package of 1.

You have to be a bit picky (pardon the lock pun!) about your shopping.  Because not all door handles are the same.

Interior Sets:  These have no place on an outside door – they won’t handle the weather.  They come in keyed or un, and you can find them as all key differently, or all keyed the same, up to about 10 interior doors is not that uncommon.

Frankly, no idea why you would have so many doors locked on the inside of a home – we’re the kind who won’t let anyone in the house that we can’t trust explicitly. Strangers don’t get past even the gate, let alone in the house!

Thing to remember is that exterior door locks work on the inside, but interior door sets don’t work on the outside.

Bathroom Sets: These generally come with a twist lock or push-button on the inside.  They have a small hole facing into the home interior.  Come with a little bent wire pinkus which is used because they require (occasionally) just a bit more pressure than comes from a household paperclip.  (Our 12-volume set “Improvised Welding Rod from paperclips” will be picked up by a major publishing house here any minute.)

“Keyed-alike” is the secret sauce in search engines.

Exterior Door Sets:  Here we see the aging marvel performing the installaton of the screen porch exterior door.

If this was really a hard job, do you think Elaine would let me do it?

Please note the Tool Slut Door Gear:  That screwdriver is one of the fancy DeWalt gyroscopic screwdrivers.  You power it and then it turns automatically in the direction you twist your wrist.  At $141, some might think it overpriced. (Show of hands?)  And their marketing department gave it a nylon bag?  Seriously?  Who on God’s green Earth carries a “screwdriver bag?”  (Show of hands on this?  Nope – no crazies counted…) Maybe use the bag to pack a sandwich in as brand-schwag on the job site?  (Shakes his head.)

Ure’s Golden Gotcha of the Week

Now we get to the fine study of error avoidance.  Because YES!  You can screw it up.  Even something as simple as changing out a half dozen door locks.

I did.

See how simple the installation should be?

Three pieces – that’s all there is to it.  You unscrew the interior side, pull it off.  Then pull the exterior side.  And – if necessary – replace the latch mechanism.  (Sometimes in a frenzy of lock replacements, you will get luck and the previous latched will fix.  Which gives you more useless shit to stack up in the hardware section of your shop.

Impossible to cluster it, right?

No.

See on the 180 room door, I put in the new latch and it stuck out just a tiny amount more than the previous.  I mean RCH difference.  So, all assembled I did a “test shut and open.”

Except for the OPEN part didn’t and wouldn’t. Too snug to budge and the latch was not going to retract far enough.

Crap Fire and Save Matches Time

With the exterior door to the 180 room securely shut – and with only five-hours left until daily wine time – the pressure was on.

Two strategies came to mind.  Crawl into the 180 room from the outside (breaking another lock to do that). then kicking the door it…

Or, I could remove the door which was now fitting too damn snugly.  A few minutes with a pocketknife and a spackle knife proved nothing, except that I’d need a lot more arm-strong.

Off to the shop for additional tools: a short (small diameter) Phillips works for tapping up the door hinge bolts.  Then a pry bar to pry the jammed door out of its frame.

Once it was freed of course, the lock was loosened and adjustment of the striker plate could be made.  Wine was not delayed!

On most hinges the “middle 2 fingers” are the door side.  The top, middle, and lower go to the house side. Don’pull pull too hard on those or you will tip your house over.

The four volume “America’s funniest home videos of 76-year old men removing exterior doors…”  should be available in time for Christmas gift giving.

The Marvelous Table Adventure

A few weeks back, I mentioned the super-deal Vevor had on a stainless roll-around work table.  Suitable for shop of kitchen, it was only $60 bucks and change.

No, assembling a table is not how most mystics achieve Nirvana.  But a confirmed tool slut? You bet!

First, there was a nut that went on a long bolt through the table leg that needed to be held on the back side.  Of course, most NTS – non tool sluts – would just grab a Crescent or a 1/4″ drive with metrics and be done.

No!  We wouldn’t hear of it!

Instead, I grabbed the “bike wrench” which – by the grace of ontology – actually fit something.  The angles fit in just snug onto the nut that needed backing.  This thing (and you can find others like it) had been on a nail on the shop wall since 2018 awaiting deployment.  This is the first (and only) time it was the Perfect Tool.

The second Nirvana generator came when Elaine said yes, she loved the table, too. Especially my idea to make it into a “cooking gear” table.  Get all my cooking spices and liquors and such (like the meat thermometer collelction) off the right-hand stove counter.

The table doesn’t have edging, so things can be knocked off. So for the wines and liquors, I decided to get one of those stainless trays that baristas use to hold the coffee flavors.

SHOP TOOL NAME:  These booze (and flavor) bottle trays are called “speed rails.” How the hell I got through a billion dollars worth of alcohol without knowing the technical name for such gear is a fascinating study in ETOH-induced sensory deprivation.  A short 15-incher like this one may be the answer.  What was the question, again?

Oh – Elaine wasn’t as keen on my other kitchen tool table suggestion: I proposed we install an 8-inch mechanics vise on the table too.  You know, to hold meat (say a ham bone) you’re trimming…  Still, I was going better than the Dodgers.

Experimental Over-Engineering

My consigliere suggested (a couple of visits back) that we put high visibility stair treads on at least the stairs down to the carport (14 of ’em),

Thing is, I always catch my shoe on non-skid pads like tha, So this week, an experiment began with the new super-step for the generator shed.  Talk about simple?

This is a quick (one pass) with some of that rubber spray-on roofing patch. Like  you should have a can or two of around for emergencies.

Not sure how well it will wear, but the whole stair spraying can be done on a warm day in less than 6-minutes.  Depending on how particular you are about over-spray.  I’m sure if you want to be pin neat and mask it all off proper-like, you could stretch it into an hour.

Us?  We have urgent wine to consume.  Over-spray vs. Burgundy…hmm…wine wins.

Useful to Know

Reader Eleanor was asking how our “reduced food” approach to de-catifying (if that’s a word) from our all-time peak of 21 feral cats was going.

Not well.  Elaine has a heart of gold. But even though all through breakfast she promises to withhold food from the feral cat colony, she’s softened by noon, most days.

Still, smaller portions, too and we’re down to a dozen or so still too lazy to go find field mice. The tall grasses are in seed and if the cat can’t find food now, take it up with God.

The Reader Short Stories Department is under construction over here.  I promised but I didn’t mention when, did I?

And we assume you’ve been to the Visitors Center at least once?

Write when you get rich,

George@Ure.net