GM introduced the GTO to the mass market in 1963 based on the Tempest lightweight chassis. After 62 years of of “progress” I still haven’t got one. And GTO means George’s Turkey Operations (or “get turkey over” is you get the working end). BFO? Black Friday Operations. (Customary ad link here)
Bag Warning
Do not leave turkey bags near children or cocky thirty-somethings. Bags cook faster everything else being equal.
Smaller birds ? closer to 20% faster
Bigger birds ? closer to 30% faster
Electric roaster + bag ? can push it to 35% faster
Hey! We do weight-gain oriented research, too, you know!
TOT (Time on Turkey)
With the nod to the god-like systems thinking of the late Frederick Winslow Taylor, we will remind you the biggest screw-up in the kitchen today will be too much time spent.
See, at our “ripe old” the one thing we need more of is time. Any non-essential crap gets tossed. If something doesn’t bring us absolute delight at this age? It gets tossed or excommunicated.
Systemic Secrets:
Given that we are “pleasure optimizers” (on the clock) here are some key turkey optimization hints.
- Get the turkey early. Ours has been thawing in the fridge since Saturday).
- Use a turkey roaster on a roll-around. (More on this in a second.)
- Use a turkey bag.
- Deploy the meat thermometer.
- Stuffing is a side dish after age 12.
- Don’t run out of ZipLoc’s for leftovers.
- Plan “done” an hour before eating.
- Plan 2 pairs of disposable gloves per person.
- Use pre-made everything.
- Don’t drink and cook.
Plan Details
Gantt chart view:
Weigh-in: OK, champ, let’s have the “before” part. Fart like a butterfly, sting like a pig…or something like that.
EARLY BIRD: If you didn’t figure today would get here? Or, you didn’t start “the thaw” last weekend if using frozen? Beyond help. Find another website.
Start with an empty Dishwasher: Every have a great dinner only to discover….oh, you know…
Use a Roll-Around: I recently bought a 32″ high stainless steel aux roll-around (our kitchen island is a “roller” too). About 18″ X 24″ set to counter height, Fabulous.
Turkey Bags: Forget Grandma’s pan, the lard basting brush, and the “look every 18 minutes” routine. Turkey bags are the stealth tech of the 21st century kitchen. They cut time, temperature guesswork, and they keep the oven humidity right without the hourly turkey sauna check. Whoever invented these deserves the Nobel Prize in Domestic Engineering.
Thermometer Deployment: At 76, the nose test, the fork test, and the “leg wiggle” test are for people with better time, better knees, and worse insurance. Use a digital probe. Set the alarm. When it beeps, you’re done. Engineering beats folklore.
(work flow) When time is up, tent turkey on carving board. Gently empty cooking liquids into huge pot for gravy. Return turkey bag for debonding leftovers. Wondra is great gravy secret #1. A few drops of Kitchen Bouquet will deepen color. White pepper. Not too much salt in the gravy…
Stuffing as a Side Dish: This is the hill I’ll die on. Stuffing inside the bird is a bacterial compliance seminar waiting to happen. Stuffing outside the bird is culinary sanity. After age 12, it becomes a side dish. Put it in a dish, bake it, and you’re done. No one calls the stuffing police. Stovetop leans on the salty side – which is why God made salt-free butter.
Leftover Logistics: ZipLocs are more valuable than Bitcoin on Thanksgiving night. Have a dedicated drawer. Label with a Sharpie. Plan storage like it’s a warehouse manifest, not a Jackson Pollock freezer sculpture. (Make sure you have bacon, bread, fresh mushrooms, cream of mushy soup, and parm cheese for SST Sandwich day Sunday. You didn’t really think I’d be in the shop working when there’s food around, did you?
Planned “Done” Time: Everything in the kitchen takes longer than you think. Plan to be done an hour before dinner. This creates the essential margin for (1) carving chaos, (2) family questions, (3) cat interference, and (4) beverage-related lapses. Also gives the turkey a rest period, which it needs about as much as we do.
How long should a turkey rest: Until it wakes up. (Kidding: 30 min for 16 lb – just wanted to see if you’re alive…)
Glove Game: Two pairs of disposable nitrile gloves per cook. One for prep, one for the carve. Keeps cross-contamination in check, keeps hands clean, and keeps the day from turning into “CSI: Kitchen Unit.”
Pre-Mades: Every pre-made side dish is another ten minutes of life you don’t have to trade. At our age, time is worth more than proving you can make cranberry relish with a mandoline while listening to the AI turkey timer.
Be an Efficiency Gunner – Terrible Secret: An apple Taste-e-Kake and a spoon of high-end french vanilla is hard to distinguish from a 14-hour cooking ritual when stuffed. Manage for outcomes not glory. We get burnable paper wrappers, you get a clean-up crew in for a week.
Don’t Drink and Cook: A single glass of red may improve the chef’s confidence, but it doesn’t improve the results. Everything after that increases the odds of mis-reading the thermometer, double-salting, or putting the turkey in upside down. Save the drinks for turkey resting time. No booze after. Elaine will have one glass of red. Three “hot shots” of a decent sake will be fine, thanks. Quick to the bloodstream, no wheat products, no allergies and no hangover. That’s what I’m talking…
Watch an “air combat movie” after: If your tummy begins to churn, it’s not the flying scenes…
GTO Field Guide (Advanced Ops)
Attention Breast Fans: Breast down in a cooking bag. Breast-up turkeys brown quickly, even too quickly. Breast-down prevents the skin over the breast from toughening before the inside hits temp.
Roasting Strategy: 325°F to 350°F depending on the bird’s weight and your confidence that the oven isn’t lying. The bag closes the thermal loop so the only job remaining is to check the probe and baste your own hydration, not the bird’s.
Staging Area: Keep the roll-around clear until you’re ready for the carving phase. Remember: knives + hot bird + traffic patterns = near-miss events the FAA would investigate. This is one reason we eat before cool-down and the “easier to handle” magic happens while we eat.
Family Dynamics: If anyone offers to “help,” hand them the trash bag, not the turkey knife. This prevents them from introducing risk variables in the workflow. (We outgrew “Yeah, pour me another drink…” in our sixties.)
Table-to-Fridge Logistics: Put out only what you need. Everything else goes back into storage immediately after plates hit the table. That’s how you keep six days of turkey-centric meals without growing penicillin farms.
And seriously now: Have the BP cuffs charged, AED in sight, O2 if you have it. Overdoing can lead to the O.R. Heart attack risks today as statistically elevated. But if you wonder who rides shotgun with Santa? The Grim Reaper himself: Deadliest heart days? Followed by December 26 and New Year’s Day. Those three days are the global peak in cardiac events. (“I am not 44 now, I am not 44 now…”)
BFO (Black Friday Ops)
This is part two of GTO. As soon as the bird is in the resting phase, most of America will be online stampeding toward “limited deals.” Resist. Do you need another 85-inch TV? No. Do you need another robot vacuum that can’t navigate a chair leg? Also no.
The smart buy on Black Friday isn’t electronics—it’s time.
Skip the ads, skip the frenzy, and use the afternoon to decompress, digest, and consider what delights you want to accumulate (or toss) in the coming year.
Now, repeat after me:
If it doesn’t add pleasure, purpose, or capability—throw it out (unless they have a good attorney).
Write when you get full and can blow a zero,
George@Ure.net
After saving you all thing time, go find another article to read. Me? Back to wondering what “fart like a butterfly means…” Seriously?
Thanksgiving Is Now One Of America’s Most Dangerous Holidays!
Thanksgiving Driving Is Deadlier Than Any Other Major Holiday
Recommendation: Don’t drive!
Thanksgiving Is the No. 1 Day of the Year for House Fires
Recommendation: Don’t cook!
A Hidden Danger: Food Poisoning from Mishandled Turkey
Recommendation: Don’t eat!
Understand? Hello? LOL
https://www.zerohedge.com/medical/thanksgiving-now-one-americas-most-dangerous-holidays-new-analysis-shows
Yo JC,
All sounds hauntingly familiar, what with the boiling peanut oil, 20 lb Burd on a chain, all over a propane burner, standing on a wooden deck.
Did I mention the ladder & pulley for hoisting said Burd up and down ? That is experience talking..ladder&pulley. 3 sixteen ounce Ultra micks prebuzz, not too filling, lite buzz. Once that is on board youse need switch over to the Silver Bullet – celebration brew.
Fireman Bob -https://youtu.be/nxjS9D3XZRg?si=JszobiF_SPRyhYcX
The insult of the recent time change is still active.
irt: cardiac events in winter – it’s from shoveling snow homeys – happens around here a lot so makes local news advisories. My plan is scoot vs. lift and, do it more often. Or, the best plan? Hire a young guy. ~ E ~
Try a John Deere garden tractor with a 2-stage snowblower & a heated cab. I bought mine from Traverse City, some years ago. It works like a charm. I park it at the back of the driveway, and it simply scares the snow away. All winter long, I never receive enough snow to use it.
‘Tis a strange phenomenon I first noticed with gensets. ‘Bought a generator. It sat for eight years in my garage. I got tired of looking at it and sold it to the local VFD for a couple hundred bucks. A few months later, I drove a thousand miles in a blizzard and spent $800 on a new generator, because every place within almost 200 miles of me had lost power and was expected to be freezing in the dark for several weeks.
Lesson learned…
I can not count the times I shoveled between 6 and 26 inches out of my driveway, before I bought that Deere. I have shoveled it once, since, and that was more just playing with the tractor in 3″ of snow (to make sure I knew how everything actually worked) than it was, performing a necessary function…
Ray : singing from the same song book here.
I had an enormous walk-behind multi-stage snow blower. It had 3-4 FWD gears _and_ REV which was unusual at the time. The thing ate floor-space, probably equal to half a car. Mrs. E grumped winter after winter so … I gave it away (to a pilot friend to clean taxi-ways at the Mishawaka Pilots Club.
http://mishawakapilotsclub.com/
Loved flying 2nd seat with these fellers, so it felt noble. Until the next blizzard arrived. And the next. And everyone after. Now? I retain a second tractor though it rarely exits the barn. Two reasons : it has attachments, including a large frame multi-stage snow blower and … our Fam. Screw Machine Shop made parts for Wheel Horse. Someday she rides …
Today I have already scooted a couple inches of fresh snow and will stay on it, moving short depths as the set of storms roll through. Most folks are eyes on the big blob moving across Midwest. I’m more concerned about lake effect plumes after the low moves off to East.
Had a swell time poaching TDay Dinner from lake buds. Great company, no bird in sight. The Mr. and I spent 30-40 minutes staying close to his BBQ then shared steak, shrimp and brats. Retreated at nautical twilight then to rest.
Hope everyone had a nice time.
Stay Warm!
E
oh no not the green fishing anchor…
I bought one.. I believe I got one time around the yard with it.. most frustrating thing..had power up the butt when it would run .. the deer shop couldn’t figure out what was wrong either .. had the same issue with the yellow pig cub cadet snow blower . got it halfway through the driveway it stops..I called the retailer call cub..called cub..well you bought it in the spring it’s now yours.. used it once..then it wouldn’t start took it to the repair shop..it needed a new carburetor…never again will I own a deer or cub.. the snowblower I bought thirty plus years ago for two hundred .one pull and it’s go time..they don’t build replacement parts..
LOOB, my Deere cleared city sidewalks for 20 years in a town which gets multiple three-foot snowfalls every year, and has started and run reliably for me, for the past 13. Since I haven’t had snow to blow, I use it as a mule to shuttle trailers around. It’s just a little garden tractor, but it’ll maneuver a 20-foot trailer with 8000 pounds of steel on it.
Sorry about your luck. Perhaps if you’d bought the $16000 model (made by John Deere in Moline, Illinois) instead of the $2100 model (made by MTD in Taiwan) your luck would have been better…
yup..the old john deeds were unstopable..its only been recently that quality of there units has degraded into a mess..find an old john deer grab it..the same with cub cadets..until recently the quality was amazing..even old dishwashers.. our first one lasted over twenty years..now your live my to get two out of a unit used regularly..the dishwasher we have now was made in turkey parts from china shipped to California then to the wastelands.. retail was three hundred fifty the sales mans cut was a third..what did the unit cost..its just two years old and has had to be worked on six times.. the two hundred snow blower lasted decades the new cup one half of the first usage..then one use.. company backing their product..not so much anymore..cheaper to just toss it out like the dishwasher..they hand us a new one every two years.. we decided this o e goes ill just get a credit for another appliance and put kitchen gadget storage where the dishwasher is now..(wife will let me put my candy planner and dough mixer there then looks a freeze dryer would fit in good there to..
The BEST snow shoveling procedure to protect against heart attacks?
Spend the winter in a location that does NOT get snow!!
(hint … that is NOT SW Michigan, at least until Al Gore’s warming finally arrives) :-0
OK … I will retreat back to my cave so as to avoid the arrows and spears that are already enroute to my location!! LOL
(hope everyone had a good Gobble Day!)
“Spend the winter in a location that does NOT get snow!!”
I learned that lesson at age 25. Spend not just winter here, but the rest of my life!
Don’t drive!
Five people are dead, including three children, after the driver of a stolen car allegedly crashed into oncoming traffic on Highway 83 in Douglas County, Colorado Monday afternoon.
https://nypost.com/2025/11/27/us-news/five-dead-including-three-children-after-driver-of-stolen-car-rolls-into-oncoming-traffic-on-colorado-highway/
Watch an “air combat movie” after: If your tummy begins to churn, it’s not the flying scenes…
Flying Leathernecks is a 1951 American Technicolor action war film directed by Nicholas Ray, produced by Edmund Grainger (who had produced Sands of Iwo Jima), and starring John Wayne and Robert Ryan. The movie details the exploits and personal battles of United States Marine Corps aviators during World War II. Marines have long had the nickname “leathernecks”, hence the title.
Flying Leathernecks – Trailer
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sWtvyD1HNFs&pp=ygUbRmx5aW5nIExlYXRoZXJuZWNrcyB0cmFpbGVy
JC : my plan is Clear and Present Danger — 1994. Seems relevant.
Jack Ryan:
I’m here to rent the Huey.
Helicopter owner:
We don’t rent it anymore, but it is for sale.
Jack Ryan:
How much?
Helicopter owner:
Two million dollars.
Jack Ryan:
Uh, my pilot and I will have to take it for a test drive.
Helicopter owner:
Of course, you just have to leave a deposit.
Jack Ryan:
How much is that?
Helicopter owner:
Two million dollars.
Jack Ryan:
Umm…
[Shows a CIA business card]
Jack Ryan:
Would you take a company check?
re: “The Tempest”; Act 3, Sc 3; 1611/12
feat: banquet upon enchanted isle
May rubes and royals alike find themselves becalmed after much tempest-in-a-teapot sailor revelry. Thereafter allow cordially consumed digestifs to blend philosophers and fools.
Let us now commiserate with DJ George whose Porsche 911 could not float his boat with a double wishbone suspension ride. History would suggest “MacPhersons” first appeared on 1951 Consuls by Ford of Britain. Prior to the advent of a Roman Emperor circa 27 bc, power had been balanced between two Roman Consuls. One may take joyful solace from Loreena McKennitt’s “The Mask and the Mirror” album with “Prospero’s Speech” at the following Youtube link:
https://youtu.be/o4NxWCVYwYg
A Turkey for me, a Turkey for You…https://youtu.be/B1dVmGA4T58?si=dfRUd169iDp0QKnj
re: Pantheon Model rekindled
feat: 27 bc to 2026 ad
Folks,
George did warn us two days ago that “AI is coming to dinner”. Where’s the server?
The Roman Republic ended in 27 bc which is apparently noted on the Pantheon (“[Temple] of all the gods”). Roman Republic Consul and ‘First Citizen’ Octavian accepted a Senate decision that he become Augustus, the first Emperor to rule over Pax Romani.
On April 1, 2026, one of the world’s richest people will allegedly ignite “Prometheus AI (Greek ‘god of fire’)” utilizing “The Pantheon Model”. A titan member of the 0.1% brings purported gifts from an AI god to the peons with no strings attached? Here is an “Internet Archive” link to an alleged ‘Promethean’ promise:
https://web.archive.org/web/20250812142819/https://www.prometheus-ai.pro/
Depending on which course, it was Asus of Toshiba server….one’s operating system is whipped.
re: move over “Rendezvous mit 31/439”, Clarke, 1973
As chance would have it, a co-founder of Amazon shares the same birthday as Hal9000 line #3 of Urbana, Illinois.
A day for Giving Thanks.
GU : “… Start with an empty Dishwasher …”
I figured this was some sooper secret way to defrost the Bird. Disappointed …
Yesterday I rolled out at 04:30 to gear up for driving Sib to crucial Med Scan in South Bend. Knowing there was “fluff” in the sched didn’t dissuade from pre Nautical Twilight departure, knowing roads might be tribble. I barely got up to speed on a rural road when, cresting a rise, the windscreen filled with tree fall, limbs incoming. There was just enough time to process info and … accelerator and brakes released I blew through with wood shards exploding (the _last_ thing you want to do is end up off the road, ergo go through). My SUV took impact but felt OK, no extreme wobble, clean braking, so I pressed on.
Another 5-6 miles on my route someone was less lucky. I ended up in total darkness illuminated by a dozen brake sets ahead and sat. Tick tock. Did a 180 and rerouted for another Toll Road entrance (in the wrong direction). Ended up head to head with two onrushing Ambos. Check, glad I didn’t wait it out. Took my injured car at 65, then 73, good to go. Made it, got the patient to Radiology. Damage seems limited to a few cosmetic scuffs. Worth it given the windshield shed a 3″ limb. Test run later today.
We are making lemonade. Good friends a mile away have their family meal ready and … family scrubbed due WX. We now have a couple inches covering the ground and sleet cake on roads. So, I will be eating someone else’s Tur-Steak). I am Thankful. No Tryptophan …
Despite being all for gatherings, there are other families here who decided to celebrate this weekend. Good luck with that. Feller a mile away (around the west shore) is a great cook and has (had) gobs of folks expected on Saturday afternoon. Possibly I will share their bird? Film at 11.
No fam. today. Or this weekend. I am thankful knowing it could have, would have, turned into crushing times for my Girl. Instead? Dining with a GF (who has a bud husband doing grill duty). The drinking lamp is lit though I will drive a mile each way.
E
ps – my plan, every TDay, is to roast our bird in the round, on a Weber (having cooked and eaten Tom cooked in every conveyance known to wo-man). Hmm, might cause my only Black Friday purchase – go find marked down turkey at a grocery.
Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone.
May all of you be blessed on this day of giving thanks for that which our creator has blessed upon us, large and small, and may all of you have a wonderful upcoming Holiday Season.
Hi, George,
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
I agree with you about stuffing not placed inside the turkey. My Mom and Grandmother always stuffed the turkey with dressing, but I disagree with doing that.
I bake turkey legs (dark meat is so delicious) first. Then, I remove the meat from the bones and add minced onion and green apples (celery is too bitter), and my home made cornbread. Then I add the appropriate spices and bake the dressing.
One of my daughters asked (perhaps with Ure clan indelicacy) “So did you fist your turkey today?”
This is why we can’t have children when we’re older. God knows – they’re dangerous.
ROFL! The local ham club December ‘meeting’ is a holiday feast potluck dinner. The club buys a turkey & ham and the resident chef prepares those. There is a sign-up sheet circulated in advance for dishes to bring for attendees. I’m making a large pan of dressing ‘cuz it’s easy. Stove-top, water, and butter for 36 servings (6 pkgs). It’s always interesting to see (taste) the creativity of the side dishes that appear.
George,
There is one item that I would like to add to your list above.
Everyone here should take a moment – stare out the kitchen window – and be thankful for what you have. Think it clearly., or even better, say it out loud., and mean it.
It can all disappear in a single moment.
Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone.
“Stay Frosty !”
Amen. Say it.
Always be thankful for what you have.. ive seen the dark side of struggles then the k god because of stories like a friend of mine has shared in his book..Waterbourne..The older I get, the more I realize that no matter what struggles I’ve lived through, there is always someone carrying a heavier load. Seeing that doesn’t make my own experiences disappear, but it opens my heart in a way I can’t ignore.
It happened to me the same way it happened to Bob the voice of a little girl dying needlessly — once your eyes are opened to it, you start seeing suffering everywhere. Not because the world suddenly changed, but because the veil Is finally lifted. Most people never notice it it doesn’t exist. They’re too wrapped in their own noise, their own symbols of comfort, their own illusions of control.But once you see the truth of circumstances beyond a persons control — the quiet battles that many face quietly, the empty eyes, the people just trying to survive — you can’t unsee it instead it starts jumping out at you. And it makes you thankful for what you have, humbled by what others endure, and aware of how fragile our comforts of a peaceful safe existence and our lives really are.
Amen this is so true..I think of my favorite show the treasure of oak island.. the possibilities that Mari Antoinette had her jewels buried there or some religious relics.. when I in reality Mari Antoinette would have fared better if she had only listened to her heart and advisers. I think of a guy I took care of. good looking guy..paralyzed from the neck down. why baked beans and his vanity. he jumped on a bike threw a fit because his fiancee didn’t make baked beans exactly like his mother or a guy I know today had a head injury and now will lose everything they seen as valuable…The obsession of society with wealth the vast treasure of numbers and shiny bobbles has always revealed more about human insecurity than human wisdom. Gold, silver, diamonds Numbers on a screen— none of it has inherent value. We assign meaning to shiny objects so we can pretend there is a hierarchy, a way to separate ourselves from one another.
But real wealth was never metal. It was nourishment, health, safety, and time — the things we ration and restrict to protect the illusion of status. Societies hoard symbols while neglecting the essentials that keep people alive.
And the irony is really quite brutal… the same system that worships wealth can erase it in a single moment. Illness, accident,poverty,or age — they strip away the vanity we cling to and expose how fragile the whole performance of life and the value of life really is.
In the end, we leave with nothing but the consequences of how we treated each other. The rest of it is just glitter in a dark hole.
I am curious what’s buried on oak island…a mystery..
That was really funny. Great read George.
well i just hope the great tradition of thanksgiving is bringing lots of joy to many in america . the thing about thanksgiving to me and we just watch from down under is uniting families under a non denominational banner to give thanks for all good around them . but i do love a sweet roast turkey with all those unique trimmings, gravy and a great stuffing . enjoy
What the heck is a Beat-Frequency Oscillator (BFO) doing in your ‘goat’ (GTO)? You still trying to invent that time machine?
And while your guests are awaiting dinner, tease their palates with some chips & Kamaboko dip. I’m addicted to this stuff. Per local chef, I also add 1/2 cup sour cream to this recipe:
https://keepingitrelle.com/delicious-kamaboko-dip/
Bringing a double batch of this stuff to nephew’s house today for invited dinner. “Don’t bring anything”…. Hah! Take THIS!
Victory over the savages! Dinner at 3:00PM, somebody bring yams.
One of the several food items I brought to the dinner tonight was whipped sweet potatoes. I baked six large sweet potatoes, each individually wrapped in aluminum foil. Baked them for two hours at 400 degrees. Then I unwrapped them and peeled off the skins and placed them in a large bowl. I added a lot of butter (Kerry Gold unsalted) and whipped cream cheese and whipped the potatoes. I added white pepper and ginger. I emptied the bowl into a baking dish and placed on top of the potatoes some sautéed chopped onions and some dried French fried onions and baked them for an hour. The dish was devoured.
Is that a Yam in Ure pocket, or a sweet potato?
asking for a friend..
I saw a video where you can download patterns of famous art work on your plastic printers from many museums. That would be more interesting than trashcans. Made me think I need a plastic printer.
Weather forecasters refer to the “butterfly effect” when things don’t happen as predicted.
It goes like this: A butterfly farts in Brazil. This bumps an air molecule into another, then another and another, until the chain reaction alters the course of a weather system hundreds or thousands of miles away.
Thus, farting like a butterfly can have surprisingly powerful consequences.
Trust me
only looking at a butterfly fart,,, ignores the rest of the other contributions to the outcome,,, the fart is just a smell in the wind of billions of other air molecules in the eQuation,,, like the CIA does to your thought process,, look here,,, ignore those other facts
As advised, we did the family thing and socialized. All went well till everyone got a little loud, having several conversations at once. Then my two nieces began Christmas decorating for my Mom (a tradition now since she can’t do it anymore, but loves the decorations so much). Loud, incoherent conversations and too much activity confuses my husband and he lost his cool. It makes his neural go haywire. So, it was good to see my family, but I had to drive us home after dinner. Disability sucks. But I am glad we are together. He is a good man. Treasure your health,G. Life drastically alters once it’s gone.