Coping: Tools to “Borrow” from the Wife

When you’ve been married long enough (we’re almost to 20-years now) an odd thing begins to happen:  Spouses “borrow” tools from one another.

Just last week I’d gone looking for a long-handle razor-scraper.  The old license sticker had to come out of the front window of the truck to make room for the new one.  Miserable job with a shorty-retractable.  But, I’d solved the problem last year with a 1-foot long handled beast that works dandy.

At least until it disappeared.

Confronted, there was the “who me?”  look first.  Then, a shrug (pretending not to remember) and finally a distraction play.  “Did you want me to make you a….”  That usually works with the “make you a…”  is followed by a food or drink name.

Not this time.  Later on, when Elaine had gone to the far end of the house, I found my missing scraper in one of her tool hiding spots.  She’s got tools stashed everywhere, seems.

There’s her regular tool box, a Stanley roll-around – which when they came out were going for $35 bucks and one of the best bargains of the century.  Then she has two drawers full of tools and three (yeah three) plastic “back of the truck” boxes on the screen porch and one in front of the car down below.  They hold everything from her Japanese draw knives (once mine…but she won them through attrition) to her eclectic assortment of paints and what-not.

To be fair, though, it’s been a two-way street.

There is nothing better for snipping off wires from a PCB than high-end Revlon nail pliers/cutters.  For knocking off a left-over dribbles of solder from a freshly soldered coax cable connector, Emory boards (safely hidden from the “inspector’s view”) are faster than walking out to the mill and bastard file department in the shop.  I’m so bad, I have to give myself tool chits.

(That term won’t even begin to make sense unless you have worked in a real job where people used tools that had to be checked out from the tool room (crib) or signed for at “central stores.” I heard the Army has a similar system in boot camp:  Bring in the old TP roll to get a new one.  (No such demands in Officer Country.)

Women’s “domestic” tools can be converted to useful ends.  Take the bright red fingernail polish that disappears from Her Bathroom.

In a pinch, it’s as good as a lock-washer.  Bright red is also ideal for marking where the hot wire goes on a printed circuit board, too.  In fact, it’s so good as a permanent marker that I also have yellow and white nail polish on order.  Black marker pens, three colors of nail polish, and plain gives me enough  to handle five wires.  There’s a discussion about a wild green still being decided.

Other repurposed “tools” include uncountable rolls of paper (now shop) towels.  Crud Kutter isn’t used in the house, but for cleaning up old equipment?  Dishwashing brushes and nail scrubbing gear, why it doesn’t get better. A used coffee can and a half spin of diesel from the barrel…yes sir. There is equality.

We have worked out a “shared custody arrangement” on some of the tools.  4-ought steel wool could be anywhere.  Paintbrushes, except for my cheap chip brushes and my throwaway 2″ sash brushes ordered in bulk, are her department.  All rollers, except the roller painting gear.Generrally, if a tool has a power cord, I get to clean it…which sounds harsh, but possession is 99 percent, right?

One of the reasons we’re still out here in the woods is we don’t know how we’d handle being reduced to just one of any particular tool.  Especially long-handled scrapers.


Speaking of the noose that binds: Chief programmer Grandy not only tied the knot with Ms Colleen (we’re not sure who bamboozled who – being Canadians, though there’s got to be a whom in therer)… But, as wedding presents to each other, they’re out riding a couple of new 801 CC Suzuki Boulevards.

I ask you:  WHO in their right mind would go our riding the Canadian wilds with the love of their life on matching bikes when they would be sitting at home fighting the intricacies of the Visual FoxPro acquisition module’s rule sets?  For the live of me, I never…..

We wish them a long and happy ride together.

Speaking of which, there’s a former (Canadian) Air Force Air Police ride this summer that they’ll be riding win.  Starts with a tire dip in Esquimalt, B.C. (July I think) and then it ambles across Canada all the way to Nova Scotia where the other part of the wheel get washed.  Each stage of the ride raises money for blind children along the way, so a stylish and fine ride, indeed.

I can’t think of a better ride than through Canada’s parks in the summer, so long as you’re speed is faster than the mosquitos.  Usually, they only carry off the riders and leave the bikes.  But we have heard stories….

Father’s Day

A week from Sunday is Father’s Day.  If you order something right now, it should arrive in time, provided there’s no UPS strike.  Gold anything is good.  Another shortwave radio, pair of walking shoes, and dime store magnifiers…  His own clicker, maybe?

Gift for me? How kind!   Oh, another 930 would be fine…turbo this time – black instead of red?  Leave the signed-over title in the glove box when it’s dropped off, thank you.  If you leave it personally, there’s a beer in it for you.

Texas’ Language Barrier

It occurred to me when I was talking to a friend at Coast to Coast that ” People in Texas have a language barrier to deal with.  Why, everyone here already knows that water moccasins are not deck shoes…”  City slickers aren’t clear on this.

We turned off the dehumidifier in the shop this week.  The water hose drain from it was threatening to wash out several farms downstream from us.

Elaine’s found a better dehumidifier.  She calls it “November.”

The Game Cam Shots


Looks more like a kangaroo to me…one reading a teleprompter.

And what’s this?  Does Zeus have a friend?

That is no small cat. I think it’s the she-cat who was around last fall.  Looking to borrow a tool, I reckon.  (Zeus is not allowed live ammo, since his visit to Dr. Snippit.)

Hardly “big game” but one of these first days.  The deer came by shortly after but I won’t subject you to that.  Just remember, shoot at an angle across game trails so the subjects will spend more time “in frame.”  Wonder if I put out a pan of beer…hmmm…

The Mars Ho-Hum

There was a news story that will maybe amount to something in a few centuries.  Discovering the existence of a “methane cycle” on Mars?  T’ain’t nothing new.  Our local methane levels spike every 24-hours in the throne room.  Some morning’s they run off the chart.  Can’t understand the big hoop-dee.

You know, I’m sure, it’s just a distraction to keep people from focusing on the BIGGER story.   PizzaLeaks reported that the Moon rocks contained bits of elemental Gorgonzola, right?

Well, off to the futures and placing some bets on how the Trump – Kim talks go.

Write when you get rich,

6 thoughts on “Coping: Tools to “Borrow” from the Wife”

  1. Women’s hair dryer works REAL great on shrink tube. Great way to insulate wire connections. Unfortunately, hair dryer has tough time finding its rightful place in the bathroom.

  2. Second the hair dryer shrink tube. Also good for drying finishes and unfreezing downspouts here up north. Maxi pads are the best for spreading stain on cabinets. Also mascara is good for showing scratches when finishing metal and for layout. Makeup remover is good if you can’t find the gojo hand cleaner. If you have a small metal bending project, nothing beats a high heel shoe as a precision mallet. The list goes on, but if you don’t get along, think of all these shop resources you may lose. Fortunately, my wife grew up with a father that would waterboard the whole family if the hammer went missing.
    Count our blessings.

  3. George,
    I missed your showing the game camera you got….
    could you tell us? did you get it from amazon?

  4. “At least until it disappeared.”

    I myself never try to borrow any of the wife’s tools…and even though I don’t if one is miss placed I can give you a hint who’s at fault.. It starts with an M and ends with E …
    Its just way easier to replace a tool that she’s miss placed than listen..the other day I plugged my three year old grandsons iPad into the iPad charger that I have. It got instantly hot..and died.. Now that was a nightmare..(I teach them the you break it you buy it..) and how do you explain to a three year old that he cannot watch doc mcstuffins or oggy and the cockroaches..
    Then searching the mini is the super fast seller..and you don’t tell the wife..I wouldn’t ever hear the end of I called in a favor..thank it switched just in time for him to get home from daycare.

  5. Our Dearest Herr Zeus,

    Sincere congratulations upon your significant other appearing in US pages courtesy of your dutiful Kibble Dish Technician. By the way, polite company was so disappointed with the martial-arted French president’s past assaulting handshake to Mr. Trump. Perhaps it would not gall you to offer a feline response.

    Do offer the normal tot of rum to the KDT. It is not lost to the history books that Scot compatriot James VI rescued the English Crown from extinction following expiry of the Virgin Queen eventually siring Germans – Georges through Williams.

    The tribe has spoken? Putin his place? What say Frau Merkel and May? A pardon and invite back to the table? A grand gesture at this centenary of the passing of cousin Saint Nicholas II?

    In closing, some kibbles for thought while pining “home on the range”:

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